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My rocky road ice cream sits mostly untouched as we claim a picnic table outside the shop. Lucy dives into her rocky road with gusto, but I just pick at mine, my appetite fled.
"Earth to Sav. Come in Sav.” Lucy jokes after a lull in the conversation. "What's going on in that head of yours?"
I shrug, staring down at the table. "Nothing really."
"Oh come on." Lucy nudges me with her elbow. "It's me you're talking to. Let it out."
I hesitate. Part of me wants to unburden myself, but the other part shies away from being so vulnerable. From admitting how lost I feel.
Lucy reaches over and gives my hand a squeeze. "It's okay to not be happy all the time, you know. You don't always have to put on a brave face."
My vision blurs with sudden tears. I blink them back furiously. Lucy's right, of course But if I falter now... what if everything falls apart?
Lucy pulls me into a hug. “Oh Sav.”
“It’s just…” I start legitimately sobbing and hiccupping in her arms. “Cole left me, and I’ll probably never see Charlie again and I tried to make myself feel better by going on a date and it was awful! Just awful. I don’t even know what I want or who I want it with anymore. How am I supposed to live like this, Lucy???”
She tsks as she strokes her hand down my back. “Oh, your poor thing. I’m so sorry. My brother is a complete tool. If it’s any consolation, Rex says that Cole is an emotional wreck too.”
I cry for a minute, unable to help myself. “I’m sad because I really fell in love with Charlie, too. He’s so bright and imaginative and sweet. And now all my casual mentions of events coming up this year have turned into lies, because I can’t go to any events with him. Cole made me a liar!”
"It's okay," she murmurs. "You're not alone. I'm here for you, no matter what."
“I’m a wreck. It’s just been an emotional week for me.”
Lucy pulls out a packet of tissues and hands them to me. “I didn’t know that thing between you had gotten so serious. Cole is a complete idiot, for what it’s worth.”
I take a shuddering breath as I pull back from Lucy's embrace. She keeps one arm wrapped around my shoulders, a comforting presence.
"I'm sorry," I say, wiping at my eyes. "I didn't mean to just break down on you like that."
"Don't apologize." Lucy gives me a little shake. "That's what friends are for. And clearly you needed to get some things off your chest."
I nod, taking a sip of water to steady myself.
"I guess I have been bottling things up lately. Ever since...." I trail off, but Lucy knows what I mean.
Ever since things ended with Cole. Ever since he said he was leaving town and didn't want to hold me back. Ever since I walked away from him because loving him was too hard.
Lucy sighs, stirring her melted ice cream with her spoon. "My brother can be an idiot sometimes. He thinks he's doing the right thing by moving to London."
Despite everything, I feel a glimmer of amusement. "He didn’t even ask if I would consider a long distance relationship."
“That’s because he’s an idiot. You don’t just get attraction and empathy with every single rock you look under. It’s a rare find.”
I dip my head. "When Cole and I were together, it was like... like nothing I've ever felt before. There was this spark between us. We had this chemistry that just felt so right."
Lucy nods, a knowing look in her eyes. "I could see that, whenever you two were in the same room. You lit each other up."
"Exactly," I say. I feeling almost elated to finally say the words out loud. "And it killed me when we ended things. I know he was trying to be practical, thinking about the future and all that. But as it turns out, my heart doesn't care about any of that."
"Oh, Savannah." Lucy reaches over and gives my hand a comforting squeeze. "I'm sorry. I know how painful this must be for you."
I blink back the tears that are threatening to spill over again. "I just miss him so much, Luce. And I hate feeling like this. I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest, torn to pieces, and stomped on. I don't know how to get over him."
Lucy looks at me intently. "Then maybe you shouldn't get over him. Maybe you should fight for him instead."
I stare at Lucy, caught off guard by her suggestion. Fight for Cole? The thought both thrills and terrifies me.
