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I take a deep breath. Planting both my palms on the rock behind me, I throw my head all the way back. The stretch in my neck muscles feel good.
White clouds float without a care over the town of Ashbourne. Birds, too.
With the dramatic show of colors and shadows, it almost looks like peace and light reign in the small town below.
I wonder if I really should leave Ashbourne. Leave the clinic my dad and Peter worked so hard to build. Leave my mom. Leave Luca.
I could go back to the city. I could sell the clinic and move on. I know Peter took great pains to keep it going after dad’s death, but maybe it’s time to let it go.
I’m not going to flatter myself by thinking the people of Ashbourne need me. They’ll be fine; they can always travel to the next town when they need a vet. It’s going to be a little less convenient, but they’ll survive.
Everything in my life has gotten worse since I got here.
I’m not superstitious enough to say this town is plain bad luck for me. But something about being here pulls my guard down.
Maybe the people are too familiar, and that makes it hard for me to keep them at arm’s length.
The thing is, even though these people are familiar, they’re no less dangerous than total strangers. They can hurt me just the same. There’s just this illusion of safety, which is the most precarious thing of all.
I look up at the sky. I wonder if heaven is real, if my dad and Peter are up there.
They’re the only people who have ever cared about me. Without them, I’m all alone in the world. It feels terribly lonely to fight all my battles on my own.
I’ve been in denial since Peter’s funeral. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m okay, that all my instincts are working as they should. But I’m wrong.
The proof? I broke my own one-time rule.
It’s a rule because it’s supposed to be followed at all times—no exception. This is what happens when I make an exception.
I’m such an idiot. I practically threw myself at Luca, not knowing he was going behind my back, not knowing he wasn’t only using me sexually, but he also turned me into an unknowing supplier of his drugs.
Damn it, Luca. You could’ve cost me my license. You could’ve cost me the clinic.
I’m used to men using me, but not like this.
This time, I didn’t expect it. He made me believe he actually cared about me.
Who does Luca sell the drugs to? Ashbourne is a small town, and he has a big stash. I wonder if he funnels those pills to the city to get a better price for them.
Did he steal from Peter, too? I find that hard to believe, considering how close they were. But then again, evidently I can’t trust my own judgment.
There are all kinds of possibilities, of course.
Peter could’ve been a dealer, too.
Or, maybe Luca and my mom work together as partners in their drug business.
Maybe when she texted me, she really was driven by concern that I’d get caught up in this drug business. I really doubt she’s capable of that kind of concern for me, but who knows? Time can change people.
Based on everything I’ve pieced together, I know a few things for sure:
1. Luca has been stealing from the clinic.
2. Luca has been hiding it from me.
3. Most probably, he got into the clinic with my keys because there’s no indication that it’s been broken into. He could’ve easily taken my keys out on one of his midnight runs.
So, in conclusion, he’s been using me for the drugs, stealing from me, even if I could lose everything as a result of it.
And when he insisted that I move in with him . . . That was obviously so he could gain access to my keys and so the clinic would be empty at night.
Like a complete dumb-ass, I offered him everything else on a silver platter. I gave him myself. Not just my body and my submission, too. I almost gave him my heart.
Perhaps it was a mistake to move back here.
At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. My dad and Peter had worked hard to keep the clinic going, and it felt disrespectful to just sell it after all their hard work.
But, maybe that’s what I should’ve done. Maybe I was biting off more than I could chew.
If we’re going to list down all the mistakes I’ve made, though, it’s going to take all night.
I shouldn’t have looked for sex online. I shouldn’t have met up with PuppetMaster. I shouldn’t have agreed to move in with Luca.
The truth is, I made so many mistakes that by the time I made the fatal one of trusting Luca . . . it was already too late.
