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“Please leave,” he said roughly, without looking up.
“No.”
For a second his expression changed, a brief softening before turning harsh again.
“Stubborn little fojii.”
“You’re damn right. In case you’ve forgotten this is my barn. Although I hoped it would become our barn,” she added softly and he shuddered.
“And now you know why it could not.”
“Why not? Because you had a nightmare?”
His laugh held no humor.
“Nightmare? It’s a lot worse than that. I could have hurt you.”
“But you didn’t.”
Her words didn’t seem to penetrate. He only shook his head.
“I refuse to take that chance.”
“And what gives you the right to make that decision?” she snapped. “This involves me as well.”
For a second she thought she might have reached him, but then he shook his head again and she sighed. This wasn’t getting them anywhere. She went and sat down next to him. He jumped and she thought he might leave, but he remained next to her.
“Tell me about it,” she said quietly.
He was silent for a long time, but she waited patiently and he finally began to speak.
“I didn’t have a choice about joining the military, but I liked it. I liked being part of a unit, or being useful, of training my body and my mind.”
Another long pause.
“And then we were sent to Vizal. Even that wasn’t bad at first, more like war games than actual combat. But then people started to die and it became all too real. I saw things… I did things…”
He shuddered.
“And it went on and on until I turned into someone I didn’t even recognize. For months after the war ended I would look at myself in the mirror and see a stranger. I’m not sure how long I would have lasted if it hadn’t been for Temel. He refused to give up on me, on any of us - which is why we ended up here. He should have known better. It’s too late for me.”
Up until then she’d remained silent, but she couldn’t let that go.
“Don’t be stupid.”
“Stupid?”
He turned to look at her, his face shocked. At least shock was better than that frozen, harrowed expression.
“Yes, stupid. If I’d thought it was too late to change, I’d still be stuck in Port Cantor. Instead I’m here, with you.”
“I should leave,” he muttered.
“And leave me defenseless and alone?”
She widened her eyes innocently when he gave her a suspicious look, and he almost smiled as he shook his head.
“Most females are terrified of my night terrors.”
