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If I keep my feelings out of this, maybe it doesn’t have to become complicated.
“Also,” Adam adds, “all the books say William’s about to start trying to climb out of his crib. You may want to watch out for that. But I’m sure you already know that.”
“Yeah.” I smile. “Adam, I gave things a lot of thought last night,” I say. “I was being rash when I told you to leave. I overreacted. I’m sorry. It was just an accident. I see that now.”
“Are you serious?” Adam blurts out as his stunning green eyes study me. “Wait, never mind. Don’t re-think anything. I just want to make something clear. So . . . you don’t want me to leave anymore?”
“Yeah.”
Adam gazes deep into my eyes. His skin crinkles, pulled up by his smile. “Kitten, you don’t know how happy you’ve made me.”
As Adam steps forward with his strong arms spread wide, I realize my horrific mistake.
Yet, for a split second, I consider letting the misunderstanding slide and just going with it. I mean, those arms look really warm and comfortable. It’s kind of chilly this morning, and it would feel really nice to nuzzle my cheek against Adam’s neck.
“Hold on.” I press my palms against Adam’s arms, pushing him away. He really is as warm as I imagined.
But I have to be strong. I can’t be reckless.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, his eyes darkening with alarm.
“I’m so sorry. I . . . There may have been a misunderstanding.” My voice is shaking. “I just meant . . . You can come back here and see William again. You’re his dad, and I have no right to keep you away from him. I promise you, I won’t do it again.”
“Thank you. That’s . . . That’s massive.” Adam smiles as his eyes grow glassy with emotions. “But what do you mean by a misunderstanding?”
“I mean . . . us,” I say softly. It’s hard to look him in the eye when he looks so confused, and I’m about to deliver some bad news. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to just . . . jump into a relationship or anything like that. There are so many things we don’t know, so many things we’re still trying to figure out.”
“Say no more,” Adam says assertively. “I know what you mean. Instability is not good for William.”
“Yeah. Exactly. I’m glad you understand.” With relief, I let out a surreptitious exhale.
“Completely,” Adam says. “It only makes sense. You’re a nurse, so you’ve seen all the things that could go wrong with your own two eyes.”
“That’s part of it, yeah.”
“Also, considering you didn’t even know it was possible for you to conceive, it’s natural that you’re protective of William.”
“Yeah,” I say in amazement.
I never told anyone this, but I feel like I cheated fate, somehow, by having William. Since I wasn’t meant to have a child, I worry someone’s going to notice the mistake one day and take him away from me.
It sounds kind of insane, I know. But it’s how I feel. I can’t help it.
I’ve never talked about this with anyone. Yet somehow, Adam understands it.
“I know I overreacted after the accident. I shouldn’t have,” I say joylessly. “But that whole thing made me realize that I’m too volatile for a relationship. I can’t do the mom thing and the relationship thing, too.”
“You’re just being a good mom, Katie. That’s a good thing. I’m never going to blame you for that.” Adam gazes at me, his eyes alight with determination. “But you’re wrong about something. I won’t cause instability in your life. I won’t be an uncertainty, Katie. And you’re not too volatile for anything. I’ll show you.”
Katie
One Year Later
As soon as the door clicks open, William turns his head, drops his little yellow scooter on the floor—luckily, my floor is carpeted so I don’t have to worry about dents—and flies into Adam’s arms.
I don’t know the exact moment when William started to run more than he walks, but it seems like he’s turning his nose up at just regular walking now. Instead, William runs, jumps, and sometimes even stands on one foot like a pink flamingo.
When he does walk, he does it backward for some reason. To make it more of a challenge, I guess. He’s already becoming more cocky by the day, just like his dad.
I’m glad I decided to let Adam stay in William’s life last year. He’s proven himself a good, reliable, generous, patient dad.
Adam shows up here almost every day, often with treats—healthy ones, of course—and toys.
William’s room now looks like a toy warehouse, with buckets of Lego bricks, Play-Doh, and even a miniature wooden treehouse with actual, swinging doors.
There were times when one toy led to another, like when Adam randomly got William some coloring pencils just because they caught his eyes and he’d read that it’s good for a three-year-old to get comfortable with handling stationery.
