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Recap of the series so far
Mat: Please,please,tell me that this is the last of these damn things we have to do.
Ren: You’re a right ray of fucking sunshine, you know that?
Mat: If you wanted cheerful, you should have found someone other than me to annoy and harass. I mean…court.
Ren:(laughs)I’ll start us off, then. So there was our first time when I fucked him over a table, and then we got frisky in this tiny-ass bed but his brother walked in on us, andthenI got Mathias on his knees and-
Mat: Is your recap seriously going to only cover the times we had sex?
Ren: It’s meant to include the important parts, so…yeah.
Mat: Fine.Fine!I’ll do it.
Ren:(hopefully)And I’ll do you?
Mat: Um,(flustered)…so after the horrendous events of the Morenos’ coup that left Iván Aratorre dead and Ren inheriting the Quarehian throne, we made plans to meet up outside of the palace for some time alone before he was crowned.
Ren: Time alone, which is spelt S-E-X. I told you that was the only matter of import.
Mat: And yet there must be more, because otherwise we’d have had a nice romantic night at the hacienda in the hills...and yet instead, we both ended up abducted by my family when they led Temar’s army to Quareh.
Ren: Urgh. At least yours was a mercy kidnapping where they thought they weresavingyou from some dastardly fate. Mine was humiliating, time-wasting, and quite frankly, irritating. Your brother Valeri and sister Mila tried to ransom me back to my dead father, for fuck’s sake.
Mat: Only because we hadn’t told them he was dead for fear they’d decide to kill you instead.
Ren: That’s true. But it still doesn’t excuse all the maltreatment I was rudely and thoughtlessly subjected to, does it?
Mat: Maybe if you hadn’t pissed my brother off quite so much, he wouldn’t have been so keen to hit you.
Ren: Maybe if your brother got laid once in a while, he wouldn’t need an excuse to get his hands all over me.
Mat: Oh yes, the fact that Val completely freaked out when he found out I preferred men meant he wasabsolutelytrying to feel you up by repeatedly punching you in the fucking face.
Ren: It’s not my fault I’m irresistible.
Mat: Most thingsareyour fault.
Ren: Not the part where, after leveraging my freedom from your family with the assistance of Temar’s royal seer, what’s-her-name…
Mat: Aksinia.
Ren: Yeah, the señorita who said if I was ransomed back to Quareh it would be horrendously bad for the whole continent, which was ominous as fuck but I wasn’t going to complain if it meant she helped me escape. Which she did. Afterthat,you may recall that you openly kissed me in front of thousands of your people and caused a riot in response to our public display of – alleged – illegality.
Mat: That too.
Ren:How, Mathias? How is that possiblymy fault?
Mat: For being irresistible.
Ren:(temporarily lost for words – but only temporarily)Oh.
Mat: I didn’t want to hide anymore, Ren. I didn’t want to sneak around pretending we were still enemies when we’d confessed our love to each other literally only hours before. I didn’t want you to think I was ashamed of you.
Ren: Oh Mat, I never thought...I know it was difficult for you. With the north condemning sodomy as sinful and illegal, what you did risked you a likely fatal flogging or worse. I couldn’t bear it if you suffered because of me.
Mat: Right. Which is why you were an absolute prick in an attempt to drive me away...becausethatwas a solid and not at all ridiculously stupid plan.
