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She splashed cold water on her face, and reminded herself the nausea would be a temporary condition. Although the baby growing inside her and the reality of raising it alone was permanent. Along with the loneliness of never having her baby’s father. The only man she would ever love in her life.
She cupped her abdomen with her palm. “Don’t worry, Mommy will always take care of you and give you the best life ever.”
“Do you honestly believe if you’d told me, I wouldn’t have helped you?”
“It was easier to never know.”
All the sleepless nights she went back and forth about telling him. Weighing the pros and the cons and then the abject fear she would tell him and he’d reject her. Her fragile ego wouldn’t let her risk such a devastating blow, so she kept the secret to herself.
“It was the hardest decision I ever had to make.”
“Bottom line is, you kept her from me. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”
She jumped out of the chair. “Don’t you get it?” she yelled in his face. “I didn’t trust me. I couldn’t take the chance you would turn us away. It would’ve been too much.”
As her pregnancy advanced, the life inside her grew along with the reality of having a piece of Nick with her for the rest of her life. Even though they couldn’t be together she cherished thethought of raising his child. She made a promise to herself that no matter what she had to do, her child would know love and security.
“I admit my decision might’ve been selfish, but at the time I had to think of myself and my unborn baby. I wouldn’t have been able to go on if you rejected us, and I had to go on—for Portia.”
Silence stretched between them. There was nothing else for her to say. She couldn’t deny what she did or how she handled the situation. At the time, it seemed right.
Nick’s dark eyes fixed on hers. “This changes everything.”
Cheryl’s chest tightened at what he might say next.
“I wanna get to know my child.”
“Of course.”
“And I don’t want her living here with him.” Determination replaced the anger in Nick’s voice.
“I already told you I’m filing for divorce.”
“I’ll do whatever I need to be a part of my daughter’s life.” Nick’s ebony eyes bore into her.
“We can work out a plan that works for both of us. We’ll make this work and?—”
“There’s no we, like you and me.” His somber words held no emotion.
“What are you saying?”
“I wanna get to know my daughter and I’m willing to give her anything she needs.”
“But you want nothing to do with me.” Saying the words gutted her, but his silence left an empty hole in the pit of her stomach. “I understand.”
“I don’t think you do.” Nick scrubbed his hand over his face. “It’s just—I had a daughter for ten years and . . . Frank told me what happened in L.A. with that guy.”
“My bad decisions always have a price tag.”
“I’ve done plenty of bad shit in my life too and I make no excuses, but why didn’t you come to me then?”
“I hadn’t had contact with you in five years and you’d expect me to call you and tell you I basically murdered someone?” She wrapped her arms around her middle.
“I understand why you called Frank, but afterwards instead of getting with that lowlife Russo you could’ve?—”
“There was no time for thinking, no time for decision making. It was about surviving.”
“We’re both damaged, yeah?” Nick sighed deeply. “Probably better we’re apart.”
