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Hayley gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.
“Tex was on the radio, called out that calvary was on its way, fighting through enemy fire to get to us. But they weren’t far out, Tex said. ETA was only ten minutes. So I told Jimmy that I would kill him. But that he deserved better than a bullet to the head like a lame horse. So I held his hands. And he closed his eyes. And we prayed together. And while his eyes were closed, I gave Caleb the signal not to do it.
“So Jimmy never got the lethal dose of morphine he was begging for. Caleb only gave him enough to settle him down. Jimmy woke up in the hospital, missing his leg, knowing he’d never wear those dress blues, and that I had betrayed him. Jimmy’s a Catholic. Don’t know much about that except I’m assuming somehow that asking someone to kill you is a kind of suicide loophole they’ve got, because Jimmy doesn’t seem to be able to finish the job on his own. Not that I would ever want him to. If he just looked around and saw what was waiting for him…
“He’s got his mind. He can walk. Could do it even better if he put some real effort into it. He’s got his hands, for working on engines, which is about the only thing he ever really loved. He’s even got his left foot, so he could easily ride if he wanted to. He won’t go home, ‘cause he doesn’t want to face the old man. So I set him up here for his recovery and offered him a job he won’t take and a house he won’t live in. I don’t know if he’s staying to punish me, or what the hell he’s doing. I gave him a photo of our unit, like you said. The five of us and the four that didn’t make it. To let him know we didn’t forget.
“And I thought it worked a little. But the other half of his problem is that because of me, he has to go on living this life that he absolutely did not want and that scares the living shit out of him. And you got caught in the crossfire, because I’m pretty sure next to dying, the only other thing Jimmy wants is to prove to everyone that I’m the rat bastard he thinks I am.”
“No one who knows you would agree with him,” she replied. “It was an impossible choice, Chris. One he had no right to ask you to make. No one can hold it against you. He’s angry. And afraid. You’re just the easiest person to blame.”
Chris sighed and took hold of her hand. He brushed his thumb along the bandage on her finger. “I’m sorry,” he declared.
“I’m not hurt,” she told him.
It was only a tiny wound. And a tiny lie, to match.
*******************
The next afternoon, Chris and the boys trekked to Maria’s for lunch. They did that more often these days. Hayley was serving, with the usual smile, which brightened when the boys came through the front door. They took a table close to the entrance.
Milo sauntered in and took the booth next to the guys. Hayley brought him a draft. He saw her hand and took hold of her wrist. “What’d you do, girl?”
Chris half-scowled. He was still pissed at yesterday’s events. He’d never meant to throw anything in Hayley’s face. He’d been careful not to show too much interest in women at the bar, not to bring them home. It felt wrong somehow, even though he and Hayley had nothing going on between them.
Hayley smiled at Milo. If she was harboring any hurt feelings from Deanna’s tantrum, it didn’t show on her face. “Well. I woke up yesterday morning and as usual I thought to myself, ‘How can I be more like Milo?’ ”
Mile rolled his eyes. “Shit,” he muttered.
Hawk chuckled.
“You’re a legend, Milo,” Hayley continued. “How could I not want to be like you? So at first I thought I should shave my head.” Milo grunted. “But I don’t think that’s a good look for me. And I don’t drink nearly enough beer to get that sexy paunch you’ve got going on there.”
She reached out and patted his belly which make him jerk and then laugh. “Well, the ladies do love it,” he insisted and Hayley nodded.
“I’ve heard the laments of widows and spinsters throughout the Black Hills. ‘Love ‘em and leave ‘em’ is definitely your motto,” she confirmed. “So the answer seemed obvious,” she said, holding up her finger. “But I’ve got to be honest, Milo, at the first sight of blood, I just gave up. I really don’t see how you had the stones to do it. That is really, truly badass territory, cutting off your own finger like that. I can never be like you if that’s what it takes.”
