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My phone has been burning a hole in my pocket all day, and I feel like such a bitch for ghosting him. I’m clearly not of sound mind, and he thinks I’m acting like a child. Well, he did say as much.
I have to stop caring about what fucking James would think. He didn’t want me.
A part of me wants to throw caution to the wind, but another part wants to run and hide.
I feel when I leave Mexico and go back to real life in Seattle, it’ll be really freaking hard to forget about Lukas Bentley.
“The worst thing you can do is over analyze this,” Charlize says, waving her fork at me. “Think about it. He’s hot in the sack, he’s gaga for you, and nobody has to know except us. I don’t know what you’re complaining about, Ari, seriously, I might have to start rethinking my dating age limits. Older guys know what they’re doing, obviously.”
“I’m not overthinking it,” I reply in a hurried whisper. “And I don’t know what you mean byobviously.Do I have a sign on my head sayingrecently laid?”
She shakes her head, stuffing more shrimp into her mouth. “No, but you have this glow about you. Doesn’t she, Imi?”
Imogen nods. “It’s like an afterglow; a post orgasm flush.”
I glance around to make sure nobody is within hearing distance; this is a family place, after all.
“Will you two shut up. You’re really not helping the situation.”
They look at each other and laugh.
“There’s nothing wrong with feeling happy,” Imogen goes on, resting a hand on mine on the table. “In all seriousness, babe, I’ve not seen you like this for so long, so it’s nice that you’re letting loose and enjoying yourself. You deserve it.”
I know she’s right, but it’s become convenient to berate myself and second guess everything in my life, so this is no different.
I realize that I do actually feel happy, not just because of the post orgasm glow, but because I’m finally taking my life back in my own hands.
I’m free to do what I want. I’m not under any restraints. I’m my own person. Why has it taken a few days on vacation to make me realize this?
I guess sometimes you do have to physically leave your real life to understand the things that need to change.
I know this is just a holiday glow, but I don’t want things to go back to ‘normal’ when I get home. I don’t want normal anymore; I want fucking extraordinary.
“Thanks, Imi. Even though you guys annoy the shit out of me, it was super sweet of you to surprise me on this trip. I couldn’t ask for better friends.”
Charlize holds up her cocktail glass to the middle of the table. “A toast.”
We follow suit, and Imogen is already shaking her head, but Charlize’s toasts are usually priceless.
“To the amazing achievements that we’ve each had in our lives and the things we are working toward,” she says with bright eyes. “To the friendship we have, and the craziness that comes with it, may we always be like this.”
“Here, here!” I agree.
We clink glasses as she adds, “And to the men that have come and gone in our lives. I raise a middle finger to the losers who lost us, kudos to the ones that get to know us, and blowjobs to the lucky bastards that get to keep us.”
“You never disappoint,” Imogen mumbles into her Mai Tai.
“Life would be so boring without you.” I sigh.
The girls want to go to a club nearby, and I know I’m a stick in the mud, but all I really want to do is go see Lukas. I feign a headache and blame lack of sleep and take a cab back to the resort, not that they buy any of it.
It’s past eleven, and when I get into the elevator I don’t even stop at my own floor, I go straight to his. I know the code; I saw him punch it in.
It’s only been a few hours since I left, but I already miss him. I miss his touch. He makes me feel good. He makes me feel better about myself.
After Charlize’s little speech, I wonder if it is wrong at all. Maybe I am being irrational?
It’s not like we’re going to be a couple or anything, it’s just sex…
