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“How’d I do?” I ask, staring at the ceiling as her hair covers my face. She smells like cotton candy. It turns me on like nothing else.
“Not bad.” She giggles.
I bump her with my hips. “Not bad?”
I like it when she laughs.
“Okay, pretty great.”
“Getting warmer.”
“It’s safe to say that nobody’s ever done anything like that to me as good before.”
“Better,” I muse.
“This is such a bitch.” She sighs.
I feel my heart gallivanting rapidly, and it’s not from what we just did.
Her words spear me in the chest, where it hurts, in my fucking heart, and I don’t know why.
“Why do you say that?” Though I know why, I’m interested to hear her explanation.
We lie entwined, with me still inside her, as she makes no attempt to move.
“Because this feels too good.”
She assumes we can’t continue, and she’d be right, and for a fleeting moment, I consider it. Aside from the obvious of my son’s disapproval, and possibly her family’s, there would be no reason…
No.
I couldn’t do that to her. And anyway, things always feel different on vacation. You have no cares in the world, as it isn’t real life. Everything is meant to feel good when there are no strings.
But, she’s just so easy to be with, to look after, to talk to…what the fuck is happening to me?
I clear my wayward thoughts. I don’t want to be an asshole, and I hope I don’t have to be, but she can’t fall for someone like me. I’m not good for her. She knows that, deep down. She knows who I am and what I’m about, and I’m no fucking hero.
But as she snuggles into me, I can’t stop the racing of my heart.
It beats like I’ve got a runaway freight train headed for a cliff locked inside my chest. It’s a strange feeling. I can’t say it’ssomething normal, but then again, there’s nothing at all normal about being with Ariana.
She’s like the sunshine on a stormy day.
She lights up a room just by being in it.
I don’t think she truly grasps just how radiant she is, and I hope that she has good people in her life. People that don’t try to dull that spark. It would be such a travesty if someone were to put it out, like how my own flesh and blood did by cheating on her.
I may be many things, but a woman knows where she stands with me. When I’ve been monogamous, I’ve always been faithful.I’ve never cheated in a relationship.
I’ve never let anyone believe there was something more than there was if there wasn’t, and here I find myself doing the opposite; trying to understand how I can get Ariana to not fall for me. Or maybe, it’s the other way round.
I battle with what it means. I’m an objective man and I don’t fall for women easily.
My last relationship was with a woman a lot like me; cold and non-committal. And it worked for a while.
But maybe I don’t want a woman like me.
Maybe I want something more. Someone with a little more substance. Someone I can actually make a life with.
