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But all I hear in that sentence ishouse calls.Though, it is the first time he’s actually mentioned anything to do with seeing me back home. My stupid, idiotic heart aches to hear more.
“Do you do that often?”
He pulls back and searches my eyes. “Is that a roundabout way of asking if I dootherhouse calls to other women?”
I look away as soon as he drops his hand. He can’t see the hurt in my eyes. I’m a fucking fool.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Lukas.”
“I thought I was Mr. Bentley?”
“You’re only Mr. Bentley when I’m screaming it from your hotel suite,” I say. Humor covers all bases; except he definitely isn’t laughing.
“You know I’m not the greatest at being monogamous. It’s the lifestyle I lead…”
I hold up a hand. “You really don’t have to do this.”
“Do what?” He seems genuinely surprised.
“Explain about why you love bachelorhood so much.” I sound snappy but imagining him going back to his manwhore cave back in Seattle is just about my undoing. I have no right to be feeling like this, not at all.
“I never said I love it so much. I just haven’t had a girlfriend in a long time.”
I look back at him. “Well, that’s good, then. We both knew what this was from the beginning, that it isn’t anything more, so let’s just have tonight…”
I can’t let him know how I really feel because as well as his rejection, thinking about him fucking other women would be the end of me. I get to go home and pine for a man I can’t ever have, and that’s torture enough.
Hearing him say that he couldn’t be monogamous kills me, no matter how true it may be, it’s not like I want to hear it. It may not be reality, but I knew going into this that I had to guard my heart. I knew deep down that any connection I have with Lukas Bentley had to be just physical.
House calls?
I’ve got nobody to blame but myself.
Chapter Nineteen
Lukas
When we finally make it to the restaurant, I feel like eating about as much as I feel like a kick in the balls.
Her admission and her sad eyes have me questioning whether this was a good idea at all.
On one hand, I wanted to devour her in the back of the car, but on the other, I wanted to savor her until we get back, and then another part of me wants to keep her forever. Though that last part has me the most worried.
I just couldn’t escape the look on her face when I said I wasn’t good at being monogamous.
And then the house calls comment… I made it sound like she was a fucking whore.
I chastise myself, even though I know it’s for the best.
Of course, I’m a bastard because I’m good at keeping my feelings switched off.
I wanted tonight, being our last night together, to be special. I wanted her to remember it and keep it with her. I never set out to hurt her, and I feel that I may just be doing that. Little by little.
Does she want more?
I explore the possibility.
We live in the same city.
