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The way he's looking at me right now, he seems tender, almost like he knows exactly what I am going through. In some ways, these guys already know more about me than the man I was going to marry did.
"I was 18 when I had my first. They don't happen often anymore unless I am reminded of..." I trail off, anger welling up inside me. No, he doesn't deserve to know. These men have done nothing but treat me like disposable trash since I've been here. They planned on using me to barter with my father. Why should I give them what they want? When they find out Maxton’s dead, everything’s going to change. They're going to send me back to him. I know it. I shake my head. "Why they started isn't important. They happen, and I have no control of them."
He nods in understanding. "I haven't had one in years, but I used to have them a lot while I was in foster care. The toll they take on your body is unbearable sometimes. Is there anything I can get for you?"
I see thehumanity in him. One commonality that pulls us together. So many people will never experience the paralyzing control of a panic attack. They're lucky.
"Water," I say firmly.
"I'll be right back," he says and stands to leave.
Before he gets out the door, I stop him. "Where am I?"
"You're in my room. I told Kyler I'm keeping you here tonight. The guys agree that since I have the most experience with episodes like this, this is the right place for you to be right now."
"How nice of them to let the damaged ones spend time together," I say with annoyance. He just laughs and heads out to grab the water.
I take this time to study my surroundings. Everything is meticulously organized and clean. Kyler's room had personal items on the nightstand and dressers, but Barrett's are all bare. I'm sure if I got up to look in the closet, everything would be hung up in their appropriate places and most likely color-coordinated. I'm not able to learn anything about him from the state of his room except that he's a neat freak.
He returns, handing me the water, and I take this opportunity to see if I can learn more about him. "You said you have panic attacks, too. What caused yours?" I see some emotion flash in his eyes, and he sighs like he expected this question.
"It's a side effect of my childhood trauma. My brain decided that it would be fun to freak out every now and then, and those freakouts resultin panic attacks. You and I are not so different, it seems."
"You don't have to go into detail," I tell him. Sharing the source of your trauma is something extremely personal, and I don't feel right pressing him on the subject.
"Over the years, I've found other ways to deal with the trauma to ease the effects. The panic attacks are less frequent as I've learned to control my emotions more. Pain has become one of the main sources to satisfy my need, should it arise."
I want to ask him what he means, but my body is so weak from my episode, and a yawn escapes my lips. He pulls me into the bed and slides in next to me before I have a chance to ask him any further questions.
"Get some rest. We can talk about all this another time," he whispers in my ear.
In my vulnerable state, I snuggle myself into his hold and catch a whiff of vanilla and leather as my eyes grow heavy, and I drift into unconsciousness.
Waking up, I look over to see his arm draped across my waist. He looks so peaceful sleeping. I study his face for a few minutes before turning to my side and trying to wiggle free from him. I shimmy myself under his arm, and he grabs my waist, pulling me flush against him.
"You can keep wiggling all you want, princess. Just know, you aren't leaving this bed until I do."
I can feel his hard cock pressing against my backside, likely a product of the wiggling he's complaining about. It shouldn't make me want him, butit does. I move my ass into him a few more times, and he groans, gripping my hip tightly.
He pushes himself into me and leans in to whisper in my ear, "If you're going to be a tease, then I'm going to punish you." My body ignites at the thought of him touching me. "Tell me, princess, are you a filthy girl? Would you like it if I tied you up and smacked your ass until it was red and then took you from behind? What if I forced you to your knees and made you choke so far on my cock that the only way you would be able to breathe is if I let you?"
My heart is racing at his words. They send a piercing electric energy straight to my core. Why is he affecting me like this? I shouldn't be letting him anywhere near me. His hand trails down my stomach and stops just below my belly button.
"What would I find if I slipped my hand a little lower?" His mouth nips my ear.
"Nothing, you wouldn't find anything," I tell him, my body knowing damn well that it's a lie.
He pulls his hand away from me. "Tell yourself whatever you have to, princess, but when I fuck you, it'll be because you're begging for it like the desperate little slut you are."
"Good thing that will never happen then," I say. He laughs at me before getting out of bed and walking out of the room, leaving me in his bed, trying to recover from his touch.
Chapter 20
Callie
The days seem to fly by one after another as I bide my time while still trying to find a way to get out of here. I've been here a little over a month now. I sleep with Kyler most nights, but I’ve started sleeping with Barrett- just sleep. His scent is soothing on days when my mental health isn't the best.
Sebastian has kept his distance and refuses to have an actual conversation with me. I still have a strange feeling that I've seen him before, but I haven't been able to place it. The only time the four of us have been in a room together was the first night when they brought me up to the house for dinner. Since then, it's been one combination or another of Barrett, Kyler, and I.
