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I can’t stand their bickering anymore, and I can tell from the way Carter’s fingers wrap around mine that he understands my frustration.
“Go away, both of you.” His words don’t come out abrasive or harsh. Just matter-of-fact and leaving no room for argument. “We’ve got a free night while Lucas and Rett are having a sleepover, and I don’t want to waste it with you hogging up our living room.”
His fingers slide along my arm, and it isn’t until I open my eyes that I realize I must have drifted off sometime between him talking and Casey leaving with Bria.
“Those two are going to murder each other.” He lifts me into his arms like I don’t weigh a thing.
“One day.” I relax into his body while he carries me to our room. “Either that, or they’ll fall back in love.”
“Ha.” Carter laughs. “You’re probably right.”
“I always am.”
When he sets me gently down on our bed, I scoot into the middle and pull down the comforter without getting up.
Carter’s fingers dance along my legs, gently peeling my leggings down so that I’m only wearing one of his shirts over my underwear.
“You’re so beautiful.” He kisses the inside of my wrist. “Always.”
When he moves to lift the shirt off my body, I freeze. My hands fly up and cover his. “No.” I whisper. “Not yet.”
Only a moment of doubt flashes in his eyes before Carter releases the hem of my shirt.
He doesn’t ask why.
He doesn’t need to.
We both know why I don’t want him to touch me.
Not there.
The scar tissue was already so thick.
Even before the gunshot, I was self-conscious.
Now?
Now I look like someone cut me apart and barely got my insides back together again. Then, when they did, they used super glue and duct tape to hold everything tight. The scars are never going to fade. Not from this.
And honestly, I don’t know if I want them to.
They’re a constant reminder of what almost happened. What I almost lost.
And what I have left.
That doesn’t mean I like to see them.
I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror after a shower. There is no way in hell I’m about to let Carter see me like that… vulnerable and exposed.
Not if I ever want him to look at me with desire in his eyes ever again.
I’ll figure out what to do in the long term.
But for now?
For now I can cover my scars with a shirt, or a nightgown. Or even a large Band-Aid if I have enough time to put one on my stomach.
“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met in my entire life.” Carter’s words bring me out of the decidedly melancholy thoughts in my head. “I hope that you know that.”
