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What has to happen.
No wonder she felt perfect in my arms.
Fate had to give me a taste of what I’ve taken away from the world.
The timeline matches. I haven’t thought about it before, but both our accidents happened around the same time. Even though I don’t know the exact date of Cassie’s, I know it has to be around mine. It never even occurred to me they could be related, and I see the pain and confusion as Casper draws the same conclusions I have.
There is a very real possibility that I caused her sister’s death.
And I don’t even have time to help her figure it out.
To find out the truth.
I take one last look at the woman I’ve somehow fallen in love with.
Because now I know it’s not a question of if or when.
I love her.
If I didn’t love her, there wouldn’t be agony like this slicing through my very existence.
I love her. The woman I could never imagine meeting. The one who’s taken me to my knees with a single glance. I take one moment, and I memorize every curl on her head, every freckle on her face. When I close my eyes for one second, I let myself imagine what our life could have been.
One second of our future.
Casper, wearing my ring. Chasing children through the house. A little girl with curls just like her mother. A life filled with love and happiness. As I open my eyes again, the truth condemns that life to a swift and painful death.
“I can’t,” I croak.
Casper doesn’t bother wiping the tears away as they stream down her cheeks.
“Say it.” Her whispered words are stronger than any command I’ve ever been given in my life. “Say the goddamn words.”
“I don’t remember that night.” They taste bitter, making me want to vomit even as I say them. “I can’t tell you that, Casper.”
When she sobs, my body reacts before I can stop it. I reach for her, wanting to pull her into my arms, to take away her pain. But she flees. Backs away from me and right into Joel’s arms while she looks at me with disgust.
“You need to go, Cole. I… I never want to see you again.”
I stare at her, hoping that I’ll wake up at any second. That the last few minutes were nothing but a nightmare. As the seconds tick by and her expression grows darker, I know that my life will never be the same.
With one hard look at Joel, conveying all the hate and rage I feel boiling through my veins, I turn to leave. My pants are on the ground at my feet, and that’s when I realize that the entire conversation with Joel has happened with me in nothing but my briefs. I reach down to grab them without looking back.
She doesn’t stop me. Doesn’t call out for me to stop, to try and figure out exactly what happened.
What do I expect?
I don’t know how to help. I can’t even remember what caused the accident. Literally, all I have is the flash of red, and then everything goes blank. At least, as far as what caused the accident.
For the first time since that night, I don’t immediately break out into a cold sweat at the thought of trying to remember, either. Losing Casper, and everything we’ll never get the chance to have, has just outweighed that night as the worst memory I’ve ever had. And I don’t think there is anything that can fix or eradicate it.
I close the front door silently, slipping into my jeans but leaving the top button undone. I left a shirt and a pair of shoes in there, but there isn’t a chance in hell that I am going back in to get them. When I move to my front porch, leaning back against the frame, silent rage pours through my soul without any chance of output. For the first time since my parents died, I feel tears welling up in my eyes.
My phone starts to ring, and I answer it without even checking who it is.
“I heard the news.” Sean’s voice comes clearly through the line. “Guess you’re headed over, right?”
“Yeah.” I do my best to hide the fact that I am in the middle of breaking down.
