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Finding out I’m pregnant absolutely gives me permission to feel like crap. I don’t have to hide it and pretend that I’m fine anymore, and I am going to completely embrace it for as long as I can. Especially if it means I can stay in comfy clothes and cuddle little ones like Laurence.
At least until school starts again, but that will bring even more fun. All the little kids asking about the baby and even wanting to feel my belly to see if the baby moves or rolls around. I’ve seen it every time another teacher at school gets pregnant.
I hadn’t thought of all the fun that will come, and I’m suddenly excited beyond belief at the fact that I’ll be able to feel my baby. That I’ll be able to tell Cole. Maybe he’ll be excited about it too.
A hand on my shoulder catches my attention. “We’ll see you in the morning.” Emmett and Sori try to say goodbye to Laurence, but he is passed out in my arms, drooling against my chest.
“Yep,” Emmett mutters. “Looks about right. We’re chopped liver.” The fake glare he shoots his son looks remarkably like a pout, and I can’t help laughing.
“No.” Sori pats his arm. “He just loves her, and he missed her too.” She turns to face me with another sad smile. “We all did.”
They leave us on the porch, and I keep rocking back and forth for a little bit, enjoying the peace and quiet of the growing night.
Until the sun is completely down in the sky and the stars light up the night around me. With clouds in the distance, I know the night is about to get cooler than I want to be outside for.
Laurence snores the entire time, but I don’t mind in the slightest. He’s a warm reminder of the life that I am growing inside me.
I stare at the stars all around me and picture the life I’ll have.
My plans, all of them, have completely gone up in smoke with those two little lines.
But if I’m being honest with myself, all my perfectly laid plans were ruined by Cole’s green eyes.
Since the moment I met him, he’s practically consumed my thoughts. Now, I’m having his baby. I can see an identical set of green eyes in my future, and I’ll cross my fingers until the baby arrives, hoping Cole passes them on to the little boy or girl that’s growing.
When I hear thunder in the distance, I bundle Laurence a little tighter and pick him up. “Time to go in, little man.”
He keeps snoring, so I carry him into the house and lay him down on the couch. Once I change my leggings out for a pair of pajama pants, I momentarily think about changing my shirt. It still has remnants of Cole’s scent though, at least that’s what I tell myself. So I keep it on in a small attempt to keep him close.
I press both hands to my stomach, cradling the nonexistent bump. Soon enough, I’ll start showing, and I can’t wait.
“I love you.” Even though I don’t know a single thing about being a mom or about the life inside me. “I love you so much; I didn’t ever think I could feel like this.”
When my hands slip to my sides, I watch the little boy on the couch and almost imagine him playing with the next little Morgan child to join the family.
“I love you,” I whisper one more time.
I’m not sure if I’m talking to the baby, Laurence, or Cole. But it’s true for all three of them.
Something shifts behind me, and I feel the air from outside hit me as the front door opens.
“I love you too.”
19
CASPER
I turn so fast that I almost fall over.
For a fraction of a second, I think it’s Cole standing in my living room.
That my dreams are coming true.
That I’m still sleeping on the porch.
But I’m wrong.
This isn’t a dream, it’s a nightmare.
