AllFreeNovel
Share Us
4
MARNIE
After the blind date turns out to be a corker – for all the wrong reasons – my feeling of irritation knows no bounds.Breathe,I tell myself as I walk towards the station. It’s no-one’s fault but my own that I came here this evening – that and the too many Proseccos I’d had when Giles asked me out. It’s just that with everything else on my mind, combined with Arsehole Lawyer’s visit, the date was a step too far.
A flurry of snowflakes falls as I ask myself, when I have better things to do with my time, why I even agreed to the date; why, once I’d got the measure of Giles, I hadn’t walked straight out. Why I’d stayed an hour or so, listening to him witter on about himself and his boring friends. And I’m no pushover, but I literally couldn’t get a word in edgeways.
To top it all, I’d noticed the arsehole lawyer across the bar. He was clearly the worse for wear, and I’d watched him leave with a friend. Remembering, I shake my head. What are the chances, firstly, that he even has a friend; and secondly, that when I’ve never seen him before, our paths would cross twice in one day.
Giles had still been in full flow when I’d got up and put my jacket on, stopping briefly to suggest we went for dinner. Telling him no way, not ever, I put some cash on the bar for my drink and walked out.
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I gaze up at the sky.Screw you, Universe. What the fuck is the point of any of this?
The streets are quiet as I walk, and slowly I feel a tentative sense of calm return. In a way, Giles did me a favour. I mean, if he hadn’t been so awful, I might have stayed. Thinking of awful men, as I cross the street, I keep half an eye out for lawyer man, ready to give it to him with both barrels, but mercifully for him, there’s no sign of him. I know at some point there will be more dealings with him. The fact that he’s arguing the case means more to-ing and fro-ing, more letters to write, which I’d rather not think about. Right now, I can’t be bothered with any of it.
The pavement glistens where flakes of snow have settled as I remind myself, people like him aren’t worth getting stressed about. And I’m generally the kind of person who can deal perfectly well with arseholes. Any other time, he wouldn’t have got to me.
But this isn’t any other time. In fact, it’s the most unsettled I’ve ever felt; if I’m honest, the dodgy date was a means of distracting myself. And the crazy thing is, nothing dramatic is going on. It’s kind of crept up on me in a way that’s been easy to ignore. The changes in my vision; the fact that I’ve lost my zest for life, when there are natural dips in all our lives. The dull ache in my head – migraines, I’ve told myself, even though I’ve never had them before. They’re common as anything. Nothing any doctor’s going to make a fuss about.
I curse the availability of too much information as my fear is fuelled by the googling I’ve done. I’m being ridiculous, I tell myself, trying to counter what I’ve read. I’m having headaches because I’m stressed; my vision’s blurred because I need new glasses – as if to make the point to myself, I’ve booked an optician’s appointment.
When doctors are overstretched, they’re hardly going to want to see me about a headache. But after a phone consult, instead of reassuring me, the doctor wanted me to have blood tests. Hence my appointment – the one I missed.Just to rule things out.
I didn’t ask what things; just felt fear tighten its grip, before I told myself again as I had numerous times before.He’s playing it safe. These are small things. It’s probably nothing.
On the train, there’s another brief flurry of swirling snowflakes before we arrive in Arundel. When I get out, the air has chilled since earlier, a thin layer of snow coating the pavement. I almost lose my footing, and I grab hold of a lamp post. As I start the walk home, a sigh comes from me. Compared to this time last year, my life is almost unrecognisable, the last few months seeming to have steered me onto a whole new track. It’s the timing: breaking up with Finn, my ex; my friend asking me to run her hotel, bringing me to Arundel exactly when I’m worried there’s something wrong with me.
Here and now, I make myself a promise. Absolutely no more bad dates. Life’s too short to be putting things off any longer and back at home, I make a mug of tea. Then picking up my phone, I play the message. As I expected, it’s about the appointment I missed.
I feel a rush of fear, then irritation with myself. Uncertainty isn’t easy to wake up with every morning. To swallow down when I’m talking to other people, to bury when I’m working. And worse than uncertainty is fear.
For frick’s sake, Marnie.Mentally I berate myself.You have to do something. You can’t go on like this.
Promising myself I’ll call the medical centre on Monday, I go over to the window, where for the first time I realise I’m not homesick for Spain. It’s times like this I could do with a friend. The kind with whom I’d share a bottle of wine, talk about anything other than my worries, laugh about nothing. The kind I could while away a few hours with, and just forget. Maybe even someone like bookshop girl.
As I gaze outside, the street below is eerily quiet, the rooftops frosted with freezing fog. It’s starkly beautiful and atmospheric, an almost fairy tale scene, as a strange feeling comes over me. A conviction that whether I want it or not, change is coming.
5
FORREST
‘Mate, what was that about?’ As they wait for a taxi outside his father’s house, Joe looks utterly bewildered.
‘I’m not sure.’ Forrest is feeling about as flabbergasted as Joe looks. ‘I suppose I suddenly got to thinking – I’m an arsehole, amongst all those other arseholes.’ He stares at his friend. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
Joe grins at him. ‘You’re just you, mate. You don’t take any shit. It’s why they give you all the bad guys.’
‘And why you get the good ones.’ Out of nowhere, Forrest feels morose, that clearly that’s the kind of person everyone thinks he is. ‘The thing is, it’s never bothered me before.’ So why on earth is it getting to him now? He forces a smile. ‘Let’s just head back to town. Celebrate our victory – just the two of us!’
‘OK, buddy.’ Breathing in the cold air, Joe hiccups loudly. ‘Sorry.’ He giggles as they set off towards the road. ‘What a frigging surreal week it’s been. Hasn’t it…?’ There’s a look of wonderment in his eyes – albeit alcohol-induced. ‘And now, we have this beautiful night…’ Grinning at Forrest, he hiccups again.
In the short time they’ve been at the party, the temperature has dropped, the ground now icy with the snowfall from earlier. As Joe lurches, Forrest grips his arm tightly. ‘Keep walking, mate. The night is young! You can fall later – just not yet.’
But Joe’s right about one thing. It really is a beautiful night. The air is ice cold, mist settling in ethereal layers caught in the glow of the lights on either side of the driveway.
‘Makes you think, doesn’t it?’ Joe seems suddenly lucid. ‘We’re lucky, aren’t we? You and me? Having everything so easy?’
‘Nah. People like you and me are different, mate. We deserve it.’ Luck has nothing to do with it. There are layers to society. He’s always thought it’s obvious he and Joe belong near the top of them.
