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I’ll have to let Sarah know what’s happened tonight; there’s no way I’ll keep Max’s behaviour from her, and Ivy is bound to tell her anyway. As it should be. ‘I’m sorry about Poppy’s dad,’ I say to Ivy, as I turn off the light. ‘Are you okay?’
She smiles, her small teeth shining in the darkness. ‘It’s okay. I think he shouted because he’s so sad.’
‘Well, we will have to replace the window, but I don’t think he’s feeling sad exactly. More worried, I reckon.’
Ivy pulls the duvet up to her neck. ‘Not sad because of the window,’ she says. ‘He’s sad because of his friend who’s dead.’
My body turns cold. ‘What friend?’
‘The one everyone’s talking about. I think her name’s Alice. Like Alice in Wonderland. Max must be sad because they were friends. And now she’s dead.’
I walk over to Ivy and kneel beside her mattress. ‘What do you mean, Ivy? Why do you think Max was friends with someone called Alice?’
‘Theywere. I saw them together. When Grandma took me to Brent Cross. They looked like friends. They were laughing and holding hands. Like me and Poppy do.’
My throat dries up and I struggle to speak. ‘Are you sure it was Max? I think it must have been someone else. Lots of people might look like Max.’
‘No!’ Ivy protests, thumping the bed. ‘It was Max. And he was with the woman I saw on Mummy’s phone. The dead woman.’
FOUR
The hiss of the coffee machine downstairs wakes me. I turn over and check my phone; it’s only five past five, yet Max is up already. This is nothing out of the ordinary – his day always begins long before most people’s, but what’s different is that he barely slept last night. It’s hard not to reach conclusions about what’s weighing on his mind.
After I’d put the girls to bed last night, I went downstairs and confronted him about Ivy seeing him with a woman at Brent Cross.
‘I haven’t been to Brent Cross in years,’ he said, casually shrugging. ‘She must have mistaken someone else for me.’
‘She was certain it was you. And you were with a woman.’
Max had laughed. ‘Hannah, she’s a five-year-old kid. Lots of people look like me. It’s not like I’ve got any really distinguishing features. And you can’t seriously be accusing me of cheating?’
No, what I was accusing him of was much worse, he just didn’t know it.
When I woke at two a.m., my mind in conflict, I went downstairs to call the police, but I couldn’t do it. I need to be sure before I throw Poppy’s life into turmoil.
What I don’t want to admit to myself is that perhaps I’m stalling because he’s my husband and I don’t want to believe it. Is it just denial?
‘You’re up early,’ Max says when I join him downstairs. He’s standing by the window, a cup of coffee in his hand. I focus on the steam rising from his mug, force myself to stay composed.
‘Couldn’t sleep,’ I say, grabbing a mug from the cupboard. I study his face and realise I’m staring at a stranger. He might look the same, but he’s not. I know it. Ifeelit.
‘I’ll have to get that sorted out.’ He gestures to the garden office. ‘It’s not safe. Poppy needs to stay away from it. I should take the glass out,’ he says, almost to himself. ‘That might be better.’
‘You shouldn’t have shouted at Ivy,’ I say.
‘I did apologise to her. And I’ll call Sarah. Explain what happened. I’m sure she’ll understand. She’s not exactly a passive parent, is she?’
When Max puts his mug down on the island and reaches for me, pulling me towards him, I don’t recognise the feel of his arms, or the scent of his body. ‘I love you,’ he whispers into my hair. ‘I love you so much. Will you always remember that? No matter what?’
I’m frozen for a moment, unsure how to react, until a vision of Alice Hughes explodes into my head. I pull away and turn back to making my coffee. Max watches me closely, but he doesn’t comment.
‘I’ll take the girls to school,’ he offers. ‘Maybe you can go back to bed for a bit. You never have a chance to lie in. I’m sure Cole can manage in the shop.’
His offer is such a shock I can’t help but wonder why he’s made it. ‘You said you had a meeting.’
‘Can’t you just accept I’m trying to do something nice?’ He empties the rest of his coffee into the sink and stalks off without looking back.
It’s a relief to be in the shop before Cole today. Even though I know he won’t like it, I text him and tell him he doesn’t need to come in until this afternoon. We’re not likely to be busy, and the only company I can face right now is my own.
