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So far, we’ve made it work. Max and I sleep in separate rooms each night, but still co-parent our daughter with gusto, eating meals together and taking Poppy on family days out. All to protect her mental health.
I can do this – just about – for now. And whenever I think of the future, there’s nothing but a blank page, waiting to be written on.
‘Can I watch TV?’ Poppy asks.
‘For a little bit,’ I say, watching her run off before I’ve finished my sentence.
‘I’ll take her to the park this morning,’ Max says, once we’re alone. I notice his clean plate. His appetite hasn’t suffered at all.
‘You’ll watch her carefully, won’t you?’
Somehow, we’ve stopped mentioning Taylor.Shane Roberts. Neither of us has set eyes on him since he was arrested. The police couldn’t charge him: his alibi was watertight – he was without doubt on a flight that evening – and there was no trace of his DNA on Alice.
It doesn’t mean he’s not guilty – only that he was clever enough to get away with it. And they haven’t been able to trace the man in the silver Golf. A stolen car, belonging to an elderly couple who’d gone on a cruise and didn’t even realise their car was missing from their drive. I doubt the police will find whoever he is now, but it’s clear that the two of them are linked, and he’s probably the one who killed Alice. For Taylor.
It still makes me sick how close I was getting to Taylor. That connection. Fabricated by him, but to me it felt real.
‘I never take my eyes off her,’ Max says, his words laced with irritation. ‘Not when Shane is still out there. Free.’
The kettle boils and I pour water over my tea bag, watching the clear liquid turn dark. ‘I know you won’t.’ I wonder if either of us will ever mention what constantly hangs over us: that Taylor isn’t just going to leave Max alone suddenly. And what Max cherishes most in his life is Poppy. If Taylor didn’t realise that before I met him, he knows it now. And he got to know Poppy, again through me. This thought makes me shudder.
‘Have you thought any more about my suggestion?’ Max asks.
Marriage counselling. Someone to help us stick a bandage over the gaping wound of our relationship. ‘It’s too late for that.I’m moving forward now,’ I say. It’s what I tell him constantly, but every few days he tries again.
Max’s shoulders sag. ‘I understand,’ he says, standing up and taking his plate to the dishwasher. Surely he can’t blame me for feeling this way.
‘I’ll get to work now,’ I say.
‘You haven’t had any breakfast.’
‘Not really hungry this morning.’ I lift my mug. ‘This will be fine.’
He looks at his phone. ‘Bit early to leave for work, isn’t it?’
‘I need to get a head start on the day.’ I take a last sip of tea. ‘Will you let me know how it goes in the park?’
He nods, assuring me he’ll be hyper-vigilant. ‘I won’t even look at this.’ He waves his phone.
‘Are you worried?’ I ask, as I stand in the doorway.
‘Every single day,’ he says. ‘The police might have put it down to a random attack, but I know it was him.’
And there is nothing I can reply to that.
‘She’s great, isn’t she?’ Cole says, as we watch Ella chatting to a woman she’s serving in the coffee bar. She’s done wonders for this place. She’s enthusiastic and charming, and it’s never been so busy in here. Although the customers rarely buy books, it’s good to have the place so lively.
‘Yeah, she is.’ I don’t mention this, but I still miss Katy. As unreliable as she was, she was a part of the shop as much as Cole and I are.
‘And best of all – I’m in my sister’s good books. So it’s a win–win.’ Cole beams proudly, and I can’t help but smile. ‘I have to admit, it’s a bit weird without Katy. And I never thought I’d be the one to say that.’
I laugh. ‘Maybe you’re human after all?’
The smile vanishes from his face, and at first I think I’ve offended him until I see Sarah and Ivy making their way towards us.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ Cole says, wandering off and busying himself on the other side of the shop.
‘There are my two favourite girls,’ I say, hugging Sarah.
