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I couldn’t believe half the shit he spewed. But this conversation was a one-off. The only opportunity I’d have to confront him on neutral ground.
So, I pressed harder.
“Have you ever stopped to think that there are no reasons to treat me poorly?”
“Have you ever stopped to consider I don’t give a fuck?”
“You cannot be that insufferable.”
“It’s cute you think you can tell me what I can and cannot be.” He leaned forward. “You clearly have this grand idea that humans should be good people when the reality says otherwise. People are incapable of anything other than greed and betrayal. That’s a fact. Perhaps you should get out more. Your naivety isn’t endearing.”
I have been out, I wanted to scream. I’ve pretended to be a stripper. I’ve sailed the Amalfi coast with Swiss bankers. I’ve been to political rallies in third world countries, been fake arrested in Arizona, and lived dozens of lives through aliases.
But you’ve never lived your own life, I couldn’t help but remind myself.
And there was the truth.
I’d lived every life but a normal one.
Hell, I hadn’t even been to a movie theater before.
How could I?
Growing up, my aunt had never been home, I’d spent my college years focused on school and rebelling against friendships, and every year since I’d graduated had been spent under various covers with the bureau.
I’d lived more days of my adult life undercover than as Ariana De Luca.
The tears surprised me. They rose within me and lined my lower lashes, but I didn’t let them slip out.
I couldn’t give Bastian the satisfaction of my tears. No matter what, he couldn’t see my weakness, because he’d attack them. Of this, I had no doubt.
I felt his eyes on me as I failed to force down my tears. One slipped past my lashes, slid down my cheek, and splashed onto the table like a rain drop.
“You look prettier when you cry,” he said quietly, almost absentmindedly.
It took a second for his words to register.
Was he serious?
Who said shit like that?!
I rose from my chair so quickly, it flung behind me. Amusement drowned those black orbs he had for eyes as I leaned over the table and got in his face.
“Who fucked you up so much that you can’t even spend five minutes acting like a decent human being?”
Anger spread across his features before he tamped it down.
“Being a decent human being is overrated,” he spat like the very idea disgusted him.
“Treating people with respect and dignity keeps us civilized.”
He leaned forward, and his breath fanned my face.
“Fuck being civilized.”
I try to get a handle on my pulse.
He was so close.
