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My mom had a wide smile on her face, and my father had that smirk that suggested he still had the world at his feet. It broke something deep inside me to know that it was all an act.
An act I must’ve bought as a child.
The summer vacations, the beautiful Christmases, their public displays of affection during social functions.
Lies, lies, and more lies.
Wolfe closed the door behind us, locking it twice for good measure. We both looked around the room. There was pristine white linen over the king-size bed that’d been put here, replacing my twin bed especially for the occasion.
I wanted to throw up. Not only because we didn’t have anything to show them—I was not going to bleed on my wedding night—but also because the idea that everyone knew we were going to have sex tonight was unsettling.
I took a seat on the edge of the bed, my hands tucked under my butt, staring down at my dress.
“Do we have to?” I whispered.
“We don’t have to do anything.” He unscrewed a bottle of water and took a sip, sitting next to me.
He handed me the bottle. I put it to my mouth.
“Good. Because I’m still on my period. I started it a day after I took the Plan B.”
I didn’t know why I was telling him this. Only I did. And it was time I asked it.
“Why did you make me take it?”
“Are you ready for children?”
“No, but you didn’t know that. And, frankly, many would have guessed the baby was conceived after the wedding. Why did you care so much?”
“I don’t want children, Francesca.” He sighed, rubbing his face. “And I mean…ever.”
“What?” I whispered.
I’d been told that big, strong families were what dreams were made of and always wanted one for myself. He stood up and turned me around so my back was to him and began unzipping my dress.
“I didn’t have the best childhood. My birth parents were shitty. My brother practically raised me, but he died when I was thirteen. My adoptive parents died when I was at Harvard. Relationships, as I view them, are messy and redundant. I try my best to avoid them unless they are professional, in which case, I do not have much choice. Kids, by definition, are the messiest, and therefore the lowest on my wish list. However, I do understand your need to reproduce, and I will not stop you if you wish to have children. You will just have to take into consideration two things. One—they will not be mine. You can get pregnant through a sperm donor. And two—I will not play a role in their lives. If you choose to have kids, I will make sure to provide for you and them, and house you somewhere nice and safe. But if you choose to be with me—really be with me—we will never have children, Francesca.”
I bit down on my lower lip. I didn’t know how many heartbreaks I could endure in one day, let alone one month.
I still hadn’t opened the wooden box and took out the last note, and I knew exactly why. Every note so far indicated that he was the man for me.
But his actions proved he wasn’t.
The truth was, I didn’t want to know whether he was the love of my life or not, simply because my heart was undecided, too.
When I said nothing for a while, he walked over to my girly pink closet, returning with a nightgown and a robe.
He gave them to me, and I realized in my drunken haze that while I was deep inside my head, pondering our relationship, he had undressed me completely.
I was naked, save for my panties.
“I’ll be back in five minutes. Be decent.”
I did as I was told. A part of me—a small part of me—didn’t care anymore.
Perhaps not having kids was the right thing to do. We sure didn’t love or respect one another enough to reproduce.
He wasn’t going to come to my OB-GYN appointments. He wasn’t going to care if it was a boy or a girl, or pick out furniture for the nursery, or kiss my swollen belly every night like I’d dreamed of Angelo doing.
