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I don't know why my defenses immediately come up, but they do. “To be honest with you, I haven't wanted to talk to anybody. I figured if there was anything I needed to know, they would come out or text me instead of just trying to call or send messages asking if I'm doing okay. You know?”
“Sure. But there hasn't been any of that?”
“Not even a little bit.”
“Maybe the coach just hasn't told anybody else yet.”
“But that's weird. Isn't that weird? He was so upset. I figured the whole world would know by now.”
I’ll give her one thing, she’s good at trying to see the positive side of things. “Maybe he just needed a little time to calm down and think it through. As far as I know, there hasn't been any announcement about you not working there anymore.”
“I guess the guys would tell me if that happened.”
“Right. I've been there every day this week, and it doesn't even seem like there's any tension. I mean, I showed up at your door convinced you were dead. Obviously, I didn't have the first clue about any of this.”
I can't make any sense of it. The man looked like he wanted to forget I ever existed, didn't he? He was like a disappointed parent, but a hundred times worse. I can't even think about it without my insides clenching and going cold the way they were that night.
“I'm sure he doesn't want to fire you.” She reaches across the island and squeezes my hand before picking up her fork again. “God, this is good. I might need another slice.”
“Help yourself. I'm not going to eat the whole thing by myself.” As much as I want to. And I definitely want to. Half the reason I've spent so much time cleaning and organizing was to distract myself from the stress eating my brain craved. “So what are you saying? He's still trying to make up his mind, you think?”
“All I know is, I stopped in to watch practice yesterday, and nothing seemed different. You would literally never know. You could just as easily be on vacation right now—that's how normal everything seemed. He wasn't flipping out, and he did a lot of that last season, by the way. Sometimes I could hear him yelling without even being in the rink. That's how loud he would get. But everything was moving smoothly. No fighting,” she adds.
I prop my chin on my palm, mulling it over. “At least he didn't, like, make a rash decision and throw my stuff out in the parking lot.”
“I’m sure he wants to keep things as normal as possible for the team's sake. They've all really come to love you.”
“Oh, please, don't say things like that.” My hands are shaking when I cover my face with them. “I know you're being my friend, but it hurts to hear it.”
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset.” No, I'm sure she didn't, but now all I can think about is how those guys have come to depend on me. If they're doing better, it's thanks in part to the tools I gave them. There's no room for modesty right now. It's just a fact.
What happens if they find out that was basically a fraud all this time? I don't have any answers. Who am I to tell them what to do?
“And the coach has never tried to reach out to you since that night? Not even once?”
My head swings back and forth. “No way. I'm telling you, he hates me.”
“I'm sure he doesn't actually hate you. He's probably disappointed, yeah. But maybe having some time to think it over has softened things up. He probably is glad he didn't fire you. He would probably have to come back and apologize for it now that he's regretting the way things happened.”
“You have a lot more faith in him than I do. He's a good man, but rules are rules. And I broke pretty much all of them. Repeatedly.”
“Well, he doesn't need to know about that part.” She takes the last piece of apple and swirls it around her plate to catch as much of the melted ice cream as possible. I've never had a reason to do a lot of cooking for anybody—I used to cook for Kyle, but usually his schedule was so busy, we would only eat together at home maybe once a week. Now I understand what he was probably busy doing all those times... and it's better for me not to think about that when I'm already a wreck.
I never understood until now how nice it is to watch somebody enjoy something I made. And she is not holding back. “I swear to God, I want to marry this pie. You're going to have to give me the recipe. And then I'm going to have to learn to bake.”
“If I could manage it, anybody can.” I nudge the plate her way, silently encouraging her to take more. She doesn't keep me waiting, either. I guess when you’re as physically active as she is on a daily basis, you can afford an extra piece of pie.
She takes a huge bite, closing her eyes as she chews. Then her eyes pop open and she turns to me. “How does he know? He never said?”
“No. I'm completely clueless.”
“And you didn't give up any details?”
“I apologized for letting him down and everything, and I let him know I understand his feelings. But no. I didn't, like, go into graphic detail or anything like that.”
“Do you think anybody else could have known, and they just never said anything?”
I’m a little embarrassed, and I doubt I'm going to earn myself any extra points by admitting this. “Let's just say if anybody knows, they would have seen it up in Seattle during training camp.” Through Soren’s hotel window. “You were right, things did happen up there.”
