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“Oh, honey,” murmured Gale as she wrapped her son in an embrace. “We’re prayin’ for her. She’s going to be okay. She’s going to come home. They’ll find her.”
He hoped to God she was right; but as he returned her affection, he acknowledged that his hope didn’t absolve him of the guilt he carried. It was as if this was the consequence of his actions. Not just sleeping with Ashlynn, but his half-hearted attempt at pursuing any woman knowing good and damn well he couldn’t love her. He’d made this mess, and he felt powerless to fix it.
He thought he understood well enoughwhyAshlynn had taken Evelyn. Except, he’d called her a dozen times and he’d been sent directly to voicemail every time. When Moretti filledDax in on the situation, Dax suspected she’d turned off her phone so as not to be tracked. Unfortunately, it was working.
Lawson had to believe she wouldn’t hurt his little girl. No matter how out of her mind she was, he reasoned that she had to know to hurt Evelyn would be counterintuitive. Nevertheless, it had beeneight hoursand she hadn’t called making her demands. That’s what scared him the most—not understanding her silence.
And he was…scared.
This was a fear he’d never known.
War was a devil he knew. Bullets on the battlefield didn’t compare to this. At least out there, he knew what to do; he knew how to respond. Here at home, the uncertainty of it all was almost crippling.
“Lawson?”
He pulled away from his mother at the sound of Darlene’s voice. She stood nearby, a small plate of food in her hand.
“She needs to eat. I know she says she’s not hungry, but she’s got more than one child now, and she needs to eat.”
Darlene was right, and her declaration hit like a sucker punch.
She held out the plate for him to take and continued, “Make her see reason.”
He took the food, not at all convincedreasonhad any place in their current situation. Still, he knew he had to try. He’d told Nora earlier that he needed her to be strong. Now it was his turn. He needed to be strong enough for the both of them, regardless of how he felt.
He nodded at Darlene, then turned toward Evelyn’s bedroom. He didn’t knock. He opened the door slowly and found Nora on the floor, curled up on her side, Evelyn’s pillow catching her mother’s tears.
Lawson closed them inside, looking away from Nora-Jean as he took in the details of the room. It felt like such a foreign place without the four-year-old in it. Less beautiful. Less happy—the energy of the daughter who gave the spacelifemissing in action.
“I’m not hungry,” Nora whispered, pulling Lawson from his thoughts.
For a moment, he’d forgotten the plate of food in his hand. He looked down at it, then set it on the dresser before sitting in front of Nora on the floor. He didn’t say anything at first, unable to find the adequate words. As silent tears continued to soak the pillow under Nora’s cheek, he reached over and swept a bit of her hair away from her face. Her eyes remained locked with his all the while.
“I’m sorry.” The words came out of their own volition. As soon as he’d spoken them, something inside of him broke, and he couldn’t stop his own tears from blurring his vision. “I’m so sorry,” he spat out, resting the palm of his hand against her cheek.
“Why are you apologizin’ to me?”
Lawson furrowed his brow in confusion. “I’m the reason Ashlynn is in our lives.”
Nora shook her head slightly, taking hold of Lawson’s hand and moving it until it was covering her mouth. She kissed him there, then took hold of his hand and forced herself into an upright position.
“If you’re gonna say sorry to me, then I have to apologize to you, too.”
“What?”
“She was right next to me…” Nora’s face crumbled, and Lawson knew she was reliving the same moment on repeat. “I didn’t notice. She was taken from me, and I didn’t even notice.”
“No, Nora—”
“You chose us. You chose Evie, and she chose you. Youdidn’tchoose Ashlynn. How she responds to rejection is not your fault. But lettin’ my little girl get snatched up—”
“Stop it,” Lawson demanded, pulling his woman into his arms. She went willingly, resting her check on his shoulder as he buried his fingers in her hair. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you hear me? You saw the video. It happened in asecond, baby. It’s not your fault.”
“Why hasn’t anyone found her yet?” Nora sobbed. “It’s so dark outside. It’s almost her bedtime. Has she been fed? Is she hurt? Does she know we’re lookin’ for her? Law—why hasn’t anyone found her yet?”
Lawson squeezed his eyes shut tight, ignoring his own tears as he pressed his lips into Nora’s hair, holding her a little tighter. He didn’t have any answers, and he felt like a useless excuse of a man with his inaction. He could hardly stand it, so he decided he was going to do something about it.
He pressed another kiss against the back of Nora’s head before he let her go and stood to his feet. Remembering the food he’d brought, he grabbed the plate and laid it atop Evelyn’s pillow as he instructed, “You need to eat. A few bites, at least—for the baby.”
