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“Did you dream of your wedding day as a little girl?” she asks, standing behind me in the mirror, her fingers playing with the button detailing down the back.
“Yeah, I guess I did. I mean, mostly I dreamed of the marriage.” I laugh, realizing how silly that seems now.“My parents have always been so happy. They went to college together. She was a freshmanwhile he was in his first year of medical school, and he used to study on a bench across campus, just so he could catch a glimpse of her. He waited more than a year to ask her out, worried he couldn’t devote enough time to her because of his studies. I always wanted a love like that—the kind that can’t walk away.”
I catch myself drifting into that dream with the stark realization that I’m probably not supposed to tell anyone this is a business deal, which would mean that Wells and I should have that type of love.
“Anyway,” I say, trying to move far away from the bricks of emotion stacking from the image of my parents falling in love, “for the wedding, I always pictured something book-themed, assuming I’d marry someone who loved literature as much as I did, or who wouldn’t mind the theme. Simple. Elegant. Not overdone. A book cake. Cherished pages and quotes throughout. Candlelight. Small and intimate, like a quaint fairy tale. So that, for one day, it was as though I had fallen into the pages of my favorite love story and gotten to touch it.”
Tears stream down my face. God, is this the first time I’ve cried about this? It’s all happened so fast. I was so worried about staying in control that I didn’t think about all I was giving up. It never occurred to me to grieve.
“Ivy?” Rena mutters, puzzled expression.
“Yeah?” I sniff.
Her pierced brow kinks. “Does Wells not love books?”
It doesn’t matter either way. None of this is real. But sometimes, all of it feels right, like home. I don’t understand how Wells and the other guys feel familiar, like they know me well enough to be my family. My heart wants to lean into it, but in other moments, the hairs on the back of my neck rise, as though I were walking into my childhood bedroom for the three thousandth time and everything was right, except for the way the curtains were pulled back and the strange angle of a picture frame.
Familiar. Home. But …off.
“He does,” I whisper, unable to see anything, the hurt drippingso doggedly that my lashes stick together, and everything—the past and future, present and hopes—blurs into a hurricane of loss.
Little Storm.
Ty pulls me into his chest, wrapping me in a warm hug with a comfort I shouldn’t gather from a week-long friend, while I sob from the ache, from the fear.
“You’ll be okay, Freckles. It’ll all be okay.” His tone sounds unsure, nervous, which is reasonable. He can’t possibly guarantee a happily ever after.
And something tells me nothing will be okay, or normal, or expected ever again.
“Cold feet.” Amy’s words slice through the moment, reminding me that Ty and I are not alone for this breakdown. “Happens to the best of us. Let the tears fall today, sweetie. Tomorrow, everything will feel lighter.”
Will it? My gut says heavy is my new normal. Maybe I am just freaking out though.
“Ooh!” Rena exclaims with another champagne flute in hand. “We need accessories. Nothing brightens a day better than shoes.”
I unfurl my mangled arms from Ty’s chest as he kisses my hair and lets me go. “Bring on the shoes.”
An hour later, we’re on our way to dinner, having added a tasteful black-diamond choker, white lace lingerie, and a pair of glittery, crystal-embellished Jimmy Choos to accompany my dress.
So far, it’s been abundantly clear that Rena is one of those warm-up-fast kind of spirits, not holding back. Although, if she’s been locked up—like it seems I’m going to be—for the entirety of her life, I suppose she has to squeeze a whole friendship into this weekend.
She peers at me across the table after our plates have been cleared. “Okay, so I waited the whole meal to ask. What about sex? Will your wedding night be your first time? Any and all sexual experiences, lay it on me, girl.”
I choke on a laugh, so taken aback, mainly because Ty is beside me. My eyes shift to him and back to her with my concern.
She nods, slurping her frosty strawberry margarita. “Got it. Ty, you’re a bridesmaid today, right? Not a bodyguard and not Wells’s friend.”
He smirks, and for the briefest second, I catch his unintentional perusal of Rena.Huh.
Deliberating for a moment, which seems in jest with a gleaming grin now in place, he answers her, “I am here solely in support of Ivy.” Shouldering me, he tacks on, “Your secrets are safe with me, Freckles.”
I sigh. In the midst of this topsy-turvy, pre-unconventional-wedding celebration, the embarrassment might be worth harnessing a morsel of bonding. “Yes. I haven’t ever … I’m a virgin, mainly because something about waiting made me feel powerful and also because I never had anyone draw that carnal I-can’t-wait desire out of me.” I bite my lip. “That probably sounds silly.”
“Not at all.” She shakes her head, her pink-and-blonde ponytail swishing with the movement. “You want a man to work for it. Earn you. I like you more by the minute, Ivy. But give me more. The good, the bad, the ugly. What are we working with here?”
Humming in thought, I ingest some liquid courage and decide to share something only Celeste and my mom know. “There was this guy a couple of years ago in college. He flirted with me after class and asked me to come to a frat party. When I got there, my gut twisted. Something about him was different. He must’ve noticed my guard go up because, before I had a chance to bolt, he dragged me into his room by my hair, pushed me to the floor, and shoved his dick in my mouth, holding my head there. So, I … I bit him. Hard. Really hard. The next moments are a blur. I fought him off somehow and ran. But then I freaked out and thought he’d come after me. So, I called my mom, told her what happened, and left school for a week. He must’ve been hurt pretty badly though because he never returned.”
“Jesus,” Rena gasps. “What an asshole. My brothers would kill a guy if he did that to me. I bet that was scary.”
