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“She’s making money. You’ll be making money. I don’t see the problem here.”
“Sean is the fucking problem. Every time I turn around, he’s trying to steal her right out from under my nose.”
“Your best friend? Why would he do that to you?”
I stop pacing and give him a pointed look, hoping he remembers the story of Dan, him, and my mom.
He must understand because he nods and says, “That was different. They’d been on one date, not living together and about to get married.”
I fall back into my chair. “I haven’t even bought her a ring yet.”
“Does Alissa know the real reason you’re not going? I don’t think she’d be happy holding you back.”
“No, she doesn’t know. And she’s not going to.” I stand. “I should get back to work.” I leave my dad staring after me.
A part of me wants to take this chance. I want to see how far I could go, if the years of hard work would pay off, but I can’t leave Alissa. And she can’t know. I know how she’ll react if she finds out she’s the reason I’m not going. She already feels like she owes me something. She’s never told me that, but I can tell every time I say I love her. I can see it written on her face when I do something for her or give her something. She’s so used to being taken advantage of. She doesn’t know how to just accept something without being expected to give back. But the thing is, she does give back. She chooses to give me her love every day, to give me herself. That’s all I’ll ever ask of her. I can’t ask her to wait while I run off and try something that could be a total waste of time.
* * *
The day dragsby so slowly, by the time we make it home, I’m too tired to even practice with the band. However, I forgot to call and cancel. At seven on the dot, they’re banging on the door.
Alissa answers and lets them in. I walk into the living room to them setting up. “I’m sorry I forgot to call you guys, but I’m just not feeling up to practice today.” I throw myself onto the couch.
“You better practice up if you’re going on tour!” Zach says excitedly.
I roll my eyes, tired of hearing about this tour that I’m not going on. “God, does anyone in this town mind their own business?”
Mark laughs. “Yeah right. Do you remember where we live? But seriously, when do you leave?”
I sit up. “Won’t you guys be mad if I quit the band and leave you behind to go on tour with them?”
They look at one another. “No way. I’d be pissed if you passed up on the opportunity,” Mark says.
“Well get ready to be pissed then, because I’m not going.”
Both of them stand and start yelling at me. I can’t even understand what they’re saying. Alissa just sits in the lounge chair in the corner of the room, watching me. I know this will just be another discussion for later since I told her I couldn’t leave the band, yet here they are giving me their blessing.
“Hey!” I yell to get them to shut up and calm down.
When they both go quiet and sit down, I say, “It’s too late now anyway. I’m sure they’ve already found someone.”
Zach grabs his bass and amp. “You’re fucking stupid for passing this up,” he says as he walks out of the door.
I look at Mark, waiting for his final word. He shrugs. “I don’t understand your reasoning, but I’ll be happy to continue to rock on with you.” He smiles before leaving Alissa and I alone.
A long drawn out silence fills the air. Who knew silence could feel so heavy? I look over at her. She’s seething, but not saying anything. She’s letting it boil. I know it’s only a matter of minutes before her anger finally bubbles over.
I watch as she reaches all new shades of red, and I mentally begin to count down. Three…Two…One.
“What in the hell is wrong with you, huh? Do you even know what you’re giving up? This is what you’ve worked your whole life for. The band is fine with it. Why won’t you go? You deserve to go!”
I don’t flinch from her tone. I sit quietly and let her get it all out. It’s time we settle this once and for all.
After she yells at me for a good five minutes, she falls onto the couch by my side, exhausted from her rant.
I reach out and take her hand, pulling her onto my lap. Pushing her blonde hair behind her ear, I place my hand on her cheek, so she has to look at me. “I’m not going. I don’t want to leave my band. I don’t want to give up everything here for a chance at something I may never even get anyway. And I don’t want to leave you. I promised you I’d be here to take care of you. We’re getting married. That’s all I need.”
“This is your dream,” she whispers.
