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"You're lacking basic nutrients. How many times a week are you consuming meat?" she demands, picking up a pad and scribbling something on it.
"Once," when I see her lift her head, her eyes flashing, I hastily amend my answer, "or two times."
"Wrong," she snaps. "You're supposed to be eating at least one portion daily, considering your weak stature. And when was the last time you shifted?"
I stare at her, feeling oddly vulnerable. "I don't… Sometimes."
She studies me for a brief minute before setting down her notepad and pulling up the stool to sit beside my bed. Her voice is kinder. "It's perfectly okay if you're having problems shifting, Cynthia. Sometimes it takes longer to build a relationship between our human side and our animal side. If you want, I can guide you during your shifts."
"Thank you but I'm fi––"
"There is a huge disconnect between your wolf and yourself, Cynthia," Lydia says worriedly. "If you don't let your wolf out every once in a while, you'll end up choking them. That increases your chances of going rogue. I've never seen you during any of the pack runs, and I attend nearly every session."
"Look," I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable now, "I can––"
"We can do private sessions if you're embarrassed," Lydia says. "I won't tell anyone. Not even the alpha."
I go still at that. "Really? Not even Jonathon."
She blinks. "Well, of course not. We do have patient-doctor confidentiality here as well. You're no longer a child and in someone's care." She gets to her feet. “Look, I usually end my shift in the evenings, and I start just around dawn. We can pick any time of the night to ease you through your shift."
"I'll do it," I say suddenly. "As long as no one finds out."
Lydia gives me a pleasant smile now. "It's okay to be embarrassed, but we're a pack. We protect each other. That's what makes us so different from humans."
My smile is insincere. Perhaps there was a time when pack bonds meant something, but not anymore. In this pack, nobody has ever protected me or shielded me. But it must be nice to live in such an idealistic world.
However, I've long since learned that the world I live in is different for each person. It's a bitter reality that I've accepted throughout my life.
"I would still prefer if you keep this between us," I murmur, and the healer gives me a kind look now.
"I thought that you might want support."
"You said there was confidentiality," I press, and she sighs.
"Of course. Just leave your number with me, and I'll contact you. You just need to be able to shift a couple of times, and then you’re good. In the meantime, I'm concerned about how weak you are. Your diet largely consists of vegetables when you need meat."
"I don't like meat."
Lydia scoffs, "Try somebody else, honey. This isn't my first day at the job. I've never met a wolf that doesn't like meat. If you can't afford meat, then you should apply for the pack reserves. Those exist for a reason."
I press my lips together.
The pack reserves are meant for those pack members who struggle financially. It provides them with food, especially meat, and subsidized housing. It's something the previous alpha introduced, and despite Jonathon trying to shut down the venture because he wanted the taxpayers' money going into his own pocket rather than facilitating the entire pack, he had no choice but to let it continue. The pack protested against shutting down the program. However, he did manage to cut out places where most of the pack wouldn't pay attention. Places like the slums where I was born, which needed this program the most, had to go without.
I did try to use the pack reserves once, but the backlash was swift and painful. I wasn't allowed, as Jonathon put it. Was I trying to get sympathy from the pack? Did I want to tarnish his name? Each lash had hurt more than the previous one. Since Jonathon knows exactly who has applied for the pack reserves program, I don't have an option.
"I don't like meat that much."
"Well," Lydia gives me a stern look, "like it or not, you're still going to sign up for the program if you can't afford it. This request is going to go straight to the alpha––"
"I-I'll buy it!" I try to sit up, alarmed.
"I'll make sure she gets it," comes a voice from the doorway.
"Adam," Lydia frowns, looking over her shoulder, "I told you to stay outside when I'm seeing my patient."
"Sorry, Lydia." Adam leans down to kiss the older woman's cheek affectionately.
