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“It’s natural,” he says. “Humans breed horses and pigs and cows. It’s how more of them are made.”
I blink at him, shrinking away. “Irqed are not cow.”
He smiles and pats my arm. “I know, Zero-Six-Nine. And I know it’s frightening. But we have this one opportunity to study and preserve your species. Every generation can be better than the last. With some genetic modifications, maybe you could even develop normal vocal cords. You could speak.”
I want to speak, but not like he means. I can speak just fine the way irqed always have. It is a voice I’m missing. Choice. Freedom. I do not wish for younglings to live as I do, to be hit with the lightning sticks when Papa isn’t pleased with their progress, to have to kill our rat friends. To be used as weapons.
This is a reality I have only recently come to understand. I am never getting out of here, and I will never please him, no matter what I do. I will not do any more bad things to innocent friends. I will not let them make irqed younglings to further their research.
My claws curl around the desk in front of me and in a firm voice, I bark, “No.”
Papa’s expression is one of surprise. Not one I see often on his face. “No? What do you mean no?”
“No more!” I snarl, pushing the table away. “No more dead friends. No more lightning sticks. No more irqed for Papa!”
I know it’s coming, the punishment for my act of rebellion, but the sting of the lightning still takes my breath away. I reach for Papa, not as a threat, because I don’t want to hurt him. Even after all the terrible things he’s made me do, he’s still my Papa. But the guards hit me again. And again. They beat down my arms and restrain me in a burning rope while Papa watches and does nothing.
“We’ll do it the hard way then,” Papa snarls. He sounds…evil. “Put him in the tank and increase the hormone cocktail.”
“But sir, that’s made every other test subject violent,” protests someone I couldn’t see.
“Have you seen how animals mate in the wild, captain? There’s always some violence in it. Some danger.”
“But these monsters aren’t animals. They’re thinking beings. You can’t force them to reproduce. That’s…”
“Monstrous?” Papa laughs like it’s a joke. “Or is it simply science unrestrained, doctor? Perhaps it’s both. Either way, it is necessary. If you have a problem with it, I suggest you take it up with Colonel Jacobs. I want him ready for the procedure by New Year’s.”
I fell out of the memory. Literally. Landing on my ass hurt, especially since the ground was cold. I shuddered and hugged the blanket tight to my arms, suddenly feeling like I needed a shower. Or to throw up. Maybe both.
I looked up at Ghost, who had gone completely still. “I’m sorry they did that to you. Is that why you ran? Because they…” God, it was so fucked up, I could barely get the words out. “They forced you to…?”
He wouldn’t look at me, twisting his claws and clicking his teeth.
He shook his head. “Escape.” he said eventually, mixing several voices together. “Angry. Confused.”
I frowned. “What? I don’t understand.”
“I was lost. Blood hungry. Killed many.” He reached out and gently touched my arm. “Axel calms. Can think. Not angry or need blood when Axel is near.”
My heart ached for him. Not just because what had been done to him was barbaric and sick, but because of how deeply it had affected him.
I didn’t know why he felt calmer with me, but I wasn’t going to argue with him about it. He felt how he felt, and that was totally valid, even if I didn’t completely understand it.
I pushed back to my feet and walked up to him, pausing just in front of him. “Can I hug you?”
Ghost blinked and tilted his head quizzically. “What is hug?”
“It’s a nice touch. To show affection and offer comfort to a friend.”
His eyes widened. “Ack-sul…friend?”
I was pretty sure we were more than that, considering everything that had transpired, but he didn’t need a sex partner or a mate right now. A friend was what he needed, so that’s what I’d be. I smiled. “Yeah, Ghost. I’m your friend.”
He glanced down at the ground, eyes going glassy for a moment. Then he nodded once. “Hug.”
I wrapped my arms around his big shoulders, leaned in, and squeezed. His body was cold and hard against mine, though the tough hide reminded me of a crab’s underbelly. It was solid and hard, but slightly leathery. The nicest thing about him was his smell. He smelled like grass and warm sunshine glittering over the surface of a lake, like wet dirt and sun dappled forests. He smelled like the forests of my childhood, and like home.
I smiled against him, eyes closed. “Now, you squeeze me back.”
