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Weak in the knees. Trembling a little.
“So…” he said, with a smile. “I just missed my train.” Then he nudged me out of his way and grabbed his bag off the table. Then he came back and brushed a stray hair out of my face before letting his finger come to a rest against my bottom lip.
“You! Are going to be trouble.”
“Why?” I asked weakly.
“Because you have no idea what you do to me, Conny. And I don’t know how to behave around you anymore.”
I could throw the same statement back to him. I had no clue what I was doing, but he’d walked out the door before I could muster a comeback.
Frustrated and confused, I did what I did best. I went to the gym and kicked the shit out of a punching bag, then I ran until I couldn’t breathe. Took a long hot shower, let the water soothe my aching limbs and racing thoughts.
Lucia had sent me a selection of links from today’s social media and press, followed by a bunch of cheerful emojis, which I assumed meant she was pleased with my efforts.
I texted Tara. Just a quick,hello, are you OK?
I wanted to say more, but last night’s shenanigans now felt surreal. I’d been paraded around a party as normal, Lucia one step behind with her phone in her hand.
“This is Zach Kwan. Currently starring in the new Paramount seriesExposure,” she’d stage-whispered as I’d given Zach a hearty man-hug. I’d known him since my first big film job. He’d been my on-screen boyfriend, and he was one of the few people I still kept in touch with. Occasionally. He was as fucked up as I was. We’d happily posed for the required uber-friendly, best-mates-in-the-world shots. He’d kissed my cheek. I’d clung to him like we were closer than we were.
As I’d moved on to the next person, Zach had grabbed my hand and mouthedcall me!and I wanted to. We should hang out or at least talk, but I doubted I even had his number anymore.
Tara had been Tara—professional and direct—and we’d done our duty for the cameras. Held hands. Smooched. Stared and smile at each other with affection.
My girlfriend wants to kill you and my head hurts. Otherwise, all good,Tara texted back with a screenshot from Instagram. I groaned when I saw what it was.
At the end of last night, the driver had dropped Tara off first. I’d walked her to the building entrance, and we’d high-fived as she’d slipped through the door. We’d obviously been papped, no surprise there, and now the headlines were screaming that I’d rolled out of there in the early hours, doing the walk of shame like a pro. Photoshop was a marvellous thing because I’d been in bed before midnight—Matt’s bed—yet the photos looked like they were taken in the early morning light.
I was apparently the ‘walk of shame of the week’ in some gossip column. No wonder Tara’s girlfriend wanted to hire a hitman and put an imaginary bullet in my head.
I was happy I’d got to at least warn Matt before he’d gone to work, because the internet was not a pretty place this morning.
I’d posed with multiple glasses of champagne and quite a few of the sponsored posh beer bottles. I’d probably drunk half a glass in total, taking a cheeky sip between talking to people I needed to talk to and having my picture taken, but some hack had got a shot of Tara and me stumbling out of the event, holding onto each other as if we were pissed as farts, Tara’s face a picture of happiness, while I…
Looked like I wanted to eat her.
Usually, I would have laughed.
Today, I felt sick.
Matt had kissed me.
I’d kissed him back.
I had no idea how I was supposed to feel about that. Apart from that I wanted to kiss him again.
What kind of idiot did that make me? Because kissing meant attraction, which meant that eventually, he would want to take his clothes off, and did I want that?
I screamed into the gym towel making a bloke next to me snigger.
Yeah, totally normal behaviour.Not!
I went back to the hotel and shoved all my belongings into my two holdalls. I couldn’t justify my actions and wasn’t thinking clearly, but with one bag in each hand, I left the door to my room to slam shut behind me.
I nodded politely at the receptionist as I passed by.
I could already imagine the tweets about me moving in with Tara.
