Page 40 of White Noise


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“And we kissed.”

“Yes. We kissed. Not a scripted kiss. Not a work kiss. Kisses should be fun. They should feel good, and I can’t think of anything more fun than dragging you into bed and kissing you for hours. Don’t worry. I won’t, but I want to. You need to remember that when you get all wound up. You’re amazing, and you have someone here who’s hoping you’ll stay. Long enough for me to prove to you that I’m right.”

“You’re kind of bossy when you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad.”

“Yes, you are. Because I said I’m not gay.”

“Well, it’s a shitty thing to say to the guy who had to go to work with a hard-on because his non-boyfriend-platonic-roommate decided to snog him.”

“I know.” He looked bashful again and chewed his lip. “It’s a shitty thing to say to anyone. I agree. But I didn’t say I wasn’t bi. Or that I’m not straight.”

“Hallelujah!”

“Shut up.”

We grinned at each other.

“Seriously, Con, you don’t have to be anything. As long as you promise me that we’ll work on this and that there’s a chance I get to kiss you again…”

“Matt, I’m…I’m shit scared.”

He was, I could tell, but talking was good. I was learning to read him now, figuring out how to help him stay calm. For now, I just listened.

“My life is such a shit show. I don’t know how to handle it at the best of times, and now I’m here…forcing myself into your life because you’re the only thing I have that’s good. Everything else is just bullshit. I’m no bloody Prince Charming, and I can’t give you anything in return. I can’t even tell you how I feel because I have no idea how to put words on it.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m going to jump you and demand blow jobs, just because I said the boyfriend word.” I stroked his cheek and lightly tugged at the fabric of his shirt, bringing him back where he belonged. In my arms. Against me.

“So, what happens now?” he asked, snuggling under my chin. I kissed the top of his head.

“Friendship. Hugs. Roommates. Who sometimes…kiss. Naked sleeping—”

“Is it all right if I stay for a while?”

“Yes. Definitely.”

I was aware I was pushing my own agenda and probably making this even messier than it had been to start with, but for now, everything seemed to be under control. He gently pushed away from me and stood up, then my hand and pulled me up too.

“Would you like me to take you out for food?” He didn’t look too keen on that idea.

“I don’t think we have anything in the fridge.”

“Nope. I would have gone shopping, but I…couldn’t.”

I had a feeling even getting him to leave the flat would be traumatic today. I got it. God, I did. If that had been me splashed all over the media, I would have been hiding under my bed taking a lifelong vow of solitude.

“We’ll get noodles delivered. OK? Go wash your face, and I’ll pop the kettle on…or do you want another one of those pink gin things?”

“Go on. I think we deserve one after the day we’ve had!”

“You get the ice?”

“Did you really have a hard-on going to work this morning?”

God, he was so bloody stupid, and I was even worse because now we were both smiling, and he was just…bloody irresistible. All wrinkled and messy, and his hair was all over the place, and he looked like he needed…a hug.

I’d lied when I’d said things were under control. They weren’t. Because I fisted the front of his T-shirt and pulled him forward, and then I assaulted his face with my mouth.

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