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“Luckily, I have a microwave.”
“Oh. Lucky.”
He went quiet again, his breathing slowing down. Little sniffles coming from his nose as I played with the wetness on his stomach.
He’d come all right. So had I, and I had a sneaky suspicion that this was one of those defining moments. Where everything changed. Because this?
This had been…sex. A messy, funny moment. New. Fumbling. Gorgeous. I didn’t think I’d ever want to have sex with anyone else, ever again. Because once you found that connection, where you just let yourself go and did what you wanted, and the other person was there with you in the moment, laughing…
I barely knew him, but I felt like I did, and it made me emotional as he tugged at me and wrapped me up in the monster of all hugs, holding me so tight that I thought I would break.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“For what?” I whispered back.
“For letting me do this. With you. For… Matt, I don’t know what to say. I’m not…I never thought this was something I wanted. Or needed. But I think I always have. I just never met the right person. You’re…you’re amazing…with me.”
“We fit. You said it yourself.”
Those words were not enough. They never would be. But what I wanted to say was hard to say right.
He just kept holding me, his breath warm against my forehead, my fingers tracing the smooth skin on his back.
Chest to chest. Heart to heart.
“My menu is simple,” I said. “Not that I’ll be using those apps ever again. I don’t mess around. I only used them when I felt desperate enough to want someone. Just to get off, and sometimes when I just needed to feel…I don’t know. Loved? Sometimes it was really good. Other times, I felt like crap, dirty and used. It’s not as simple as people think it is. Sometimes it doesn’t work out at all. I met up with one guy who took one look at me and just walked away. Another time, I got my shirt off and the guy just laughed. Said something about killing the moment as soon as I got my kit off.”
“Rude,” he said and pressed his lips to my head. “It’s like auditions. You turn up already with the script perfect in your head, and they take one look at you and dismiss you. Like you’re rubbish. You don’t even get a chance to prove your worth. Other times, they circle you and touch you. Like you’re just a prop.”
“You’re not a prop.” I wanted to say so much more than that. Tell him how beautiful he was. How perfect. That I would love him forever. That if he got up now and left, I would never recover.
“I feel like it. All the time. I’m put in a place—there’s usually a taped X on the floor—and I stand there. Do what I am told. Move my body the way they tell me to. Then I go home, and I have no idea how to actually be human. It messes with your head.”
“I think you’re the most human being I have ever met,” I said. I meant it. “Because you know what is work and what is life. And what is real. Not many people do. Some people get a promotion and think they’ve become God. Others lose all grasp of reality and forget that they were once a terrified teenager with baggage and burdens. Hopes and dreams.”
“That’s why you’re so brilliant, Matt. You see people. Not just the outside, but you see what’s on the inside too. You didn’t just dismiss me, even though you knew who I was.”
“I don’t always. I’m not perfect. But why would I have dismissed you?”
“I think you’re perfect,” he said, shuffling down the bed so he was nose to nose with me. “Most people dismiss me because they think I’m an idiot. ALove Islandkind of airhead muscle dude that got lucky. The truth is, Con Telfordisan idiot.” His lips leaned in for another of those kisses. A dirty one.
“You’re…” Fuck. Now I was getting emotional. Because this guy? He just shrugged off that last sentence and babbled on.
“I need to eat something before I get all shaky. I don’t think I had any lunch. I forgot.” He pressed another kiss to my mouth. “And we should really go to the gym. But somehow, I think I’d rather just stay here in bed with you.”
“Conny.” God, I loved saying his name like that. The silky syllables rolled out of my mouth.
“Not Muffin?” He was smiling, soft and relaxed on my bed, his nose pressed to mine.
“Muffin.” Fuck. OK. He might be an idiot, but I was one too. I couldn’t even breathe when he looked at me the way he was looking at me now. “What d’you need?”
“After we’ve eaten, can we do more of this? The sex thing?”
Con
Itwasseveninthe morning, and I was splayed out like a piece of meat on the chair, a towel covering my midriff. Totally normal on a day like this, apart from that it was Saturday, and the set was much quieter than during the week. We were filming just the one scene today, and I was all geared up for it. I even had my nude piece of fabric glued on, holding my junk in place, ready for the required nudity in an intimate scene.
I was ready.
