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I smiled despite myself. “Straight guy with an antibacterial wet wipe issue.”
“Ah. One of those gay-for-pay types. Met a few over the years. Makes things bloody weird, I can tell you.”
“And now I’m the one having issues because I have a boyfriend. I had sex with him, and now I’m frustrated as fuck.”
The laughter spilling out of him was freeing, and it made me laugh too.
“Good for you.” He slapped me on the knee. “You deserve it, but the frustration is normal. You think everything is chill, and then you meet someone, and there is nothing, and I mean that,nothingyou can do to stop the total clusterfuck that your life becomes. When you can’t eat or sleep and all you think about is being as close to that person as possible. You can’t breathe when they’re not there, you can’t breathe when they are. It’s bloody bonkers, but it’s true.”
“I snuck into his flat and crawled into his bed in the middle of the night because I couldn’t bear the thought of not sleeping next to him.”
Toby laughed at that. “You can’t help who you fall in love with. You just have to roll with it. It’s the best feeling in the world, having someone to love you like that. He’s a lucky guy. Really lucky.”
“Your wife is lucky to have you.” I rubbed my nose with the back of my hand. I didn’t know what else to do.
“I’m lucky to have her,” he said quietly. “Got her pregnant on our first date. Didn’t mean to, but the bloody condom broke.”
“No!” God.
“Yeah. Not my finest moment. Neither was I the best human being six weeks later when she tracked me down with the pregnancy test in her hand. She wanted to kick me in the balls. I wanted to kick myself in the balls. Then I hugged her, and she cried and I took her home. She moved into my flat, and now we have number three on the way. I apparently have super sperm.”
“Crazy.” This was helping. I was actually breathing better now. Feeling calmer.
“First time I met Matt, I whacked him in the face by accident, holding an imaginary gun in my hand. I was going through a scene on the treadmill, and he was in the way.”
Now he was full-on belly laughing.
“See? We’re both pathetic losers. What were we thinking? I mean? You’re a Bafta winning actor. I won musical artist of the year. Doesn’t mean shit when it all comes down to it. It’s the people we love that matter. Remember that when you go all stupid and remember this too. If you love this guy—”
“It’s very new.”
“Makes no odds. When you know, you know, and every time you mention him, your face lights up like a bloody beacon.”
“Yeah.” I knew what he was saying.
“You’re frustrated because you have to be here with me when all you want to do is go home and get naked with him.”
“You’re a poor substitute,” I joked.
“I’ll have you know I was also Mr Surrey in 2019, and you’re calling me a poor substitute? I’m offended.” He tutted in fake disgust.
“Yeah, and I’m dating Tara Marie.” I had no idea where that came from, but he howled.
“Yeah, right.” He stood up, dragged me up onto my feet. “Mate, we’re going to do this, and do it good. Because you’re going to take out all the bullshit and all that frustration on me. Honestly, we’re supposed to beat each other up and have hate sex. I need you to beat me up. Use your strength, don’t hold back.”
“I can’t do that.” My legs were jumping, and I couldn’t stop wringing my hands.
“Yes, you can. We’re good at this. We both know how fantastic this scene will be if we get it right. Powell and Rodriguez have been at each other’s throats for the entire season. Rodriguez has been taunting him, fucking up his investigation, intimidating his witnesses and soiling his crime scenes with more dead bodies, all while Powell hasn’t been able to even get a clear picture of him. He’s frustrated—more frustrated than you—and now he’s found me, and I’m being a dickhead flirty bastard to him. I don’t think a few shoves would cut it in the real world. Go for me. Slam me into that wall. For real.”
“Sure way to lose my job,” I muttered. He was right, though. The scene was kind of lame the way we were supposed to do it.
“So, I’ll go for you, and then you just let it all out. Deep breath. Do it. It’ll be good for you, and then we’ll just follow on with ripping clothes and getting naked.”
“Then we have to fuck afterwards.”
“Yeah. But by then you’ll be fine, and when we go to break, you’re going to ring that boy of yours and have a bit of a pep talk.”
I took a deep breath.
