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I sighed happily as he snuggled closer.
“Are you coming back home? To me?”
Now I was the one who grabbed his chin. I lifted his face so I could look at him.
“I’ll be home in a week. And then…I’ll move in properly. Would that be OK?”
“Can you leave your bag? And put your toothbrush back in my bathroom?”
“Did you miss my toothbrush?” I had to smile at the way he blushed. This was totally insane, but I realised that this was me. Us. And being us was absolutely fine.
“Of course I did! You left me with your twatty Gucci suit. It’s awful and smells of some stupid aftershave. I went into Mrs Wu’s the other day, and Wei was wearing your shirt. He looks good in it!”
“Good.” I smiled. “When I get back, I want noodles. In bed. With you.”
“Definitely. And Iwillmake you order something that’s not egg.”
“Oh, no!”
He was mocking me, so I kissed him.
“We’ll do all these things,” I said. “I’ll take you to meet Mum, and we’ll go do football with Ollie, and we’ll have lots of sex. We could start now.”
How old was I? Sixteen?
“You’re too tired for sex. Sleep, baby. We’ll have sex in the morning. Aisha told me we have until one o’clock, and then Dave will take me home and you have to go back and get caked in mud or something.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t want to think about that.
I wrapped him up in a hug and kissed his forehead. The urge to crawl on top of him was overwhelming, but he was right. I needed sleep. He sighed happily in my arms, and I wondered how something this small could make me so happy.
“I need to make sure Aisha gets a promotion. And Dave needs a raise,” I muttered into his hair.
“She’s good at her job. So is Dave,” he rumbled against my chest.
And then there was only sleep. For the first time in a week, I slept solidly.
I woke up feeling calm, aware of him beside me, moving in his sleep. I snuffled into his neck, my hand tracing the outline of his body. I was finally taking control of my life. I was grasping at straws, admittedly, but those straws felt good. There was so much left to figure out, but I felt proud of myself.
My phone lit up on the bedside table, and I picked it up, smiling as I read the message.
Tara Marie: That’s it. We’re breaking up. My girlfriend just proposed.
I texted back in a flurry of fingers.Awesome. Congrats. That’s it. You’re dumped.
Tara Marie: Brilliant. Thanks. How’s the boyfriend?
I kissed his sleeping head.All good. Asleep in my arms.
He was. My life was taking shape. I was in control. Whatever happened next, things would be fine. Absolutely fine.
I texted Lucia and demanded the password to my Instagram. She swiftly sent it back. Shaking, I posted something before I lost my nerve. It was the right thing to do, and it made me happy. I was allowed to be happy. I smiled as I threw my phone on the floor and wrapped my arms around the only thing that mattered.
Actor Connor Telford: Hi. I’m Con. Out. Proud. Happy Pride.
Matt
Thingswereconsiderablyeasierin the week that followed. Con talked more. Well, he communicated more, through disjointed text messages that mostly dropped on my phone during the night, but I was slowly getting to know him. The real him. It was quite scary to realise how similar we were. How our thoughts sometimes crossed like tiny arrows as we’d gone on with our lives. Sometimes I would just remember he existed, and a smile would appear on my face. Other times, I’d look at my phone and there would be a message. It might only be an emoji, or it could be an epic paragraph of words. You never knew with Con, and I’d started to appreciate his randomness. When he did message, it was because he had this overwhelming need to, and I felt that way too.
