Page 8 of White Noise


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“You might not have been physically hurt—well, you were—but you’re butthurt. It would help to talk about it.”

I eyed him dubiously. He shrugged.

“I live my whole, boring life in this small room, evening after evening. I need the full story, warts and all—did the guy have warts? I hope he did, doing that to you.”

“He did not have warts.” I laughed and gulped down more Diet Coke. I’d showered, washed my hair and dressed in clean clothes, but I was getting hot and bothered, and I was hungry. I just wanted to go home, eat and treat myself to another episode of that naked idiot detective losing most of his evidence and shagging his boss, then sleep. Long day tomorrow.

“Come on,” Wei persisted.

I sighed. “Fine.” He wasn’t going to let this go. “Does the name Con Telford ring a bell?”

“Overrated soap actor?” he said.

I burst into laughter. “He’s won quite a few Baftas, and he’sGQ’s Man of The Year…”

“Matt, I’m an English major. I take scriptwriting. I know a thing or two about decent storytelling, and you’re treading on my delicate toes here. He’s a British soap actor. Overrated. Celebrated for no reason.”

“I likeWhite Noise,” I protested.

“You also likeEastEndersand think the Marvel Universe is culture.”

“Don’t mock my tastes.”

“I’m not. I’m also very impressed with you reading my recommendations. Some of the ones on my new list are trailblazers in the industry. Watch this space. One day, Wei Wu will be up there with his very own works of perfection.” He bowed and sprinkled imaginary stars onto the counter.

“I’m sure he will,” I said, and I meant it.

“What about Con Telford, anyway?” he asked.

“He’s the one who whacked me in the face.”

“Oh God. And now you’re in love with him?”

“Wei!” I shouted, horrified. “I’m not! It was just a stupid thing.”

“But itwasa thing?”

“No.” I took a deep breath. “It’s not. He was on the treadmill, and his shoelaces were undone. He fell off and whacked me in the face.”

“And you’re telling me this because…?”

Sometimes Wei was annoying as hell.

“Because you asked!”

“No. You’re telling me because you know he comes in here, and you’re hopingIwill spill the tea.”

“Absolutely not!” I groaned.

“He orders number forty-two with extra egg. That dish is an abomination and an insult to the food it contains.”

“I know. He told me.”

Wei grinned smugly. “Aha! Thereismore to this story.”

“There’s not.” See, this was what happened when I talked to people. Well, when I talked to Wei. I’d spent a lot of time in this fine establishment talking to the guy…who was now looking suspiciously sympathetic. He had more to say, and I got the feeling I wasn’t going to like it. “Go on,” I invited reluctantly.

“Con Telford may be some kind of gay icon, having shagged men on that show of his, but to be very, very brutally honest here, Matt, he’s the straightest guy I’ve ever laid eyes on. And by all accounts, he’s a bit of an arsehole—I read up on him online. I know we don’t believe all the gossip in the tabloids, but he’s apparently dating that new supermodel. You know? Tara Marie. They were photographed together getting coffee. In the morning. I mean, we all know those event photos are staged, but when people get coffee early in the morning together, you’ve got to admit it’s suspicious.”

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