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Mum had been more than happy for me to take on the flat. She’d moved to the seaside and bought herself a bungalow. She liked it there, the peace and quiet and seagulls on the balcony—all things that made me antsy and nervous. Cars honking and London fumes were more my thing, and Iappreciated the high ceilings here and my kitchen. And the nook where I slept.
The dust settled thickly over the bare floorboards in the bedroom, a few particles dancing in the streetlights streaming through the curtainless windows. I really needed to get this room sorted, and for a minute I imagined it as a self-contained guest room with a comfortable bed in the corner and an armchair. There was even space for a table or desk. Not that I wanted Hugo to spend all his time in here. I wanted him on my sofa and…
Fuck. I really and truly didn’t have a space Hugo could call home. The sofa would only do for so long. In a panic, I started to google IKEA deliveries, but there was nothing I could do now anyway. I didn’t have a spare bed. I didn’t even have a TV. Just a sofa and a coffee table on which stood a table lamp Mark had bought for me. He called it an accent light. I’d renamed it the Accident Lamp because I knocked it over at least once a week.
As if to prove the point, I almost rattled it off the table with my anxious foot-tapping when I returned to the living room. I plonked down on the sofa, trying to keep still. Chewed my nails. Tried not to freak out at the message from Finn that told me Hugo was on his way.
Told you. Finn and I were like some bizarre joint-custody parental wannabees, and now we’d added another grown-up child to our repertoire.
That wasn’t why I was nervous, though. I was nervous because he was Hugo and I was me, and however much Mark had pushed me to half-heartedly out myself to him, I still wasn’t comfortable with Hugo knowing that I kind of…fancied him.
I laughed into the empty room. I couldn’t even explain it to myself. There was a vibe about him that had meshed with me, one that gave me insane visions of me and him skipping into the sunset.
I wasn’t an idiot. I knew life didn’t work like that…and I suddenly realised I’d spilled something down my top and I needed to change all my clothes, and there was the shrill of the intercom.
“’El-lo?” I stuttered out. Fuck.
“Hey.” It was him. Of course it was. My finger shook as I attempted to jab the one large button on the intercom thingy and instead my whole hand landed on it, my throat awkwardly swallowing my panic.
I’d just let Hugo Burrows into the building. He would be coming up the stairs and be outside this very front door in less than a minute. I was on the third floor, but I could hear his footsteps echoing out in the stairwell.
I wasn’t ready for this. I didn’t want to kiss him. I didn’t want to appear like an oversexed fool. I didn’t even fancy him like that. I just wanted…
I wasn’t after sex or whatever else people did in relationships. I wanted hugs, affection, someone to love me back. I wanted what I had with Mark, but with someone who didn’t have a Finn whom he loved more than he loved me.
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Flinging the door open, I froze at the sight of him.
His hair was longer, still the same messy curls. Big coat. He always seemed cold. Rucksack slung over his shoulder. And he could barely look at me, standing there right in my way.
Gracious host, my arse. I grabbed his shoulder and kept hold. I was lucky I’d managed that and not whacked him on the head, which for a second made me want to laugh.
I was so relieved to see him.Happy. Mark had said happy. Fuck my life sideways.
“Hey,” I said softly.
“Thanks for having me.”
“You sound like I’ve invited you over for a birthday party or something,” I mumbled. Yeah. I wasn’t on form, and this was ridiculous.
“This is really awkward, isn’t it?”
God. I took it all back. I did have a thing for him. His straight-up honesty and wild hair and that little smile on his face. If I had been a stronger person, I would have known how to handle all this, as it was, I just stood there making weird little squeaky sounds. Come on, Benjamin, use your bloody words!
“Can I…hug you?”
And now he was laughing.
“You’re not going to invite me in first?”
“You a vampire or something?” At least my humour was on point, as he shoved his hand in my chest and stepped past me into the hallway, dropping his rucksack to the floor.
“No.” He sighed. “This… I didn’t have a plan for this.”
No shit, Sherlock! He held his arms out to me, and I gently folded him in against my chest, his curls tickling my chin. I was so bloody messing this up, but I couldn’t help it. My heart was beating far too fast, and the breaths coming out of me were huge. And loud.
“You give good hugs,” he said.
