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“But you survived.”
“Yeah. Barely. I spent the next year in hospital. They said I’d never walk again. I had a fracture in my neck and nerve damage and brain damage. I’d drowned in a puddle of mud. Fancy that, eh? So, a year until they let me come home. Another year of physio, and then it took a while to get me to function enough that I could go to college, where I met Mark. But that wasn’t even the end of it.”
“What happened?” he asked gently. His voice was so soothing. Even with all the shit going on in his own life, I knew he was right there for me, listening and caring.
“It went to trial,” I said. “Attempted murder. They got away with attempted manslaughter. The rugby families weren’t impressed. Three guys got prison sentences, and Mum and I were advised to change our names. Mum went along with it because I was too traumatised to even sleep without sleeping tablets and a shitload of meds. I was on those for years before I weaned myself off them.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. So you can see where this thing with Mark started. I wasn’t ready to start college, and he looked after me. Slept in my room when I couldn’t stop crying. Held me when things became too much. And it became this deep, special friendship that has lasted all this time. I hate how much I need him and that he needs me. I love him and don’t want things to ever end, but he’s with Finn now, and…I’ve met you.”
“I’m no Mark,” he said quietly. I hadn’t noticed that he was crying too. “But I am your friend, and I do care about you.”
“I’m notin lovewith Mark.” I felt I had to clarify that. “I’m not even sure what I am supposed to call it, but it was never about him and me. It was just what we needed. He’s been there for me, and I rely far too much on him, especially with work, because who would employ me? I’m only head chef because Mark turned me into one. I only have this job because he has my back, and it’s driving me crazy that after all this time, I don’t trust that I can do this on my own. I don’t believe I deserve it, and I’m always waiting for someone to figure me out and tell me to leave because I really am the biggest fraud on the planet. I can barely—”
“You’re an idiot,” he interrupted softly. Then he curled up next to me, his arms around my neck. “You really are an idiot.”
He held me, and he let me cry. By then, it was far too late for both of us to be up still, but I couldn’t think of a place I’d rather be than right here on the sofa with him.
My grandmother’s hexes truly still held. Because the one thing I knew with absolute certainty was that nothing bad would ever happen to us here.
Hugo
“Ihave so many questions,” I said, which made him snort. I didn’t blame him. That had been one hell of a revelation, and one I might need time to process, but I was so incredibly relieved that he was talking to me, that we were finally clearing the air and really getting to know each other. I knew what he ate for breakfast and how he took his tea and that he threw all his dirty clothes on the floor in the hallway until he had nothing to wear, at which point, he’d do a load of laundry and start again. But I didn’t know him. Not really.
“If you don’t believe me, you can google it. It’s all over the net. Was quite the thing in the press once the trial got underway. All the outrage and all that.”
“I believe you. I mean? Nobody would walk around with hands like yours for no reason, right?”
Rude. But it made him laugh.
“And no more lying,” I added. “Okay?”
“I’ve done a lot of lying. It’s so bloody stupid. Mark always finds out and then he has a right go at me. It’s mostly when I feel, you know… Well, I lie about going on dates, having hook-ups. I even lied about going on holiday over Christmas because I didn’t want to admit that I had taken a week off so I could sit at home and plan next year’s menu in peace and quiet. Told him I was taking a girl with me because I was so bloody pissed off with him for messing around with Finn, and he was driving me mad and…yeah.”
“So you didn’t go on holiday?”
“No, I did. I took my mum on a last-minute deal to some godforsaken Greek Island. I was a mess, but we actually ended up having a really good time. It was stupid of me to think I’d get away with it, though. Mum and Mark text all the time, and he was having a ball winding me up while Mum was giving him blow-by-blow accounts of the state of my sunburn. I still didn’t get the menu done.”
“Oh, Ben.”
“Yeah, I know. Truth is, I suck at everything. I’m okay with the costing and can handle the spreadsheets, but I can’t do the ordering or write the specials or even do the write-ups on the staff. I have to get other people to help, and Mabel has to proofread everything. Even my personal emails.I don’t dare to send anything without them checking it through in case I’ve written something really stupid. And on top of that, I’ve never had a relationship. Not with anyone. I’ve slept with, like, three people.”
“You don’t have to tell me all this,” I said. What was it with all his oversharing?
“I feel like I do. Like…I want to stop the lying. I want to stop all the bullshit. I’m just me, and I…I really like you, Hugo. I’m grown up enough to admit that, and I hope you’re grown up enough to tell me to go fuck myself.”
“I’m not going to tell you to go fuck yourself.” I smiled. He was ridiculous…ly cute.
“Then be grown up enough to be honest back. I’ll tell you all the truths. Just do the same back.”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be here. You have been amazing with me. You look after me, and you’ve been everything I’ve needed over the past weeks. Everything.”
“So…we’re friends?”
“Of course we’re friends!”
“Nothing more? I’ve officially been friend-zoned and that’s the end of it?”
