AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Sit,” he commanded. Yeah. Finn was definitely in dad-mode. He and my dad could easily have become best friends. Guardians of the Meal Plan.
“I’m sitting.” I was no better, behaving like a sulky teen.
“I’m going to tell you something. Off the record again. Not anything you need to go share around the place, okay?”
“Okay.” I had no idea what was coming. You never knew with Finn. But he once again put his elbows on the table and leaned forward.
“I grew up in the middle of nowhere with an alcoholic dad and a mother who was terrified of her own shadow. Not the ideal childhood. My dad…there’s no way of sugar-coating it. He had a violent temper. Beat the shit out of both me and mum on a regular basis. It was just the way it was, and I got out of there as fast as I could. Then I figured the gay thing out, and they never spoke to me again.”
“Oh.” Fuck. What did you say to that?
“So, what I’m trying, very bluntly, to say is that I’ve somewhat been where you’ve been. Every bloody day of my life. Terrified of doing the wrong thing, setting him off, never knowing if I could go to school or not because my face was bruised or I couldn’t sit down without wincing or I didn’t dare go into my mother’s bedroom and see if she was still alive.”
I didn’t say anything. Because there was nothing to say. Nothing.
“The only good thing about that is I got out of there in one piece, and I lived my life. I tried to block it all out and I ended up making mistakes. Huge mistakes. I hurt people. I lost my temper with the person I loved the most. My life went full circle, and that’s something I still struggle with, which is why I go sit with a therapist once a week and why I’m terrified of being with Mark. I never want to hurt him. I never ever want to lose mytemper with him. I will walk that tightrope for the rest of my life, and I need to stop being so scared. Learn how to be calm, not angry. How to…”
He stopped for a minute. Breathed.
“Mark made me go see my parents last summer. We drove all the way up there and knocked on the door. My dad wouldn’t even look at me. My mum was too scared to open her mouth. It was horrible. The worst couple of minutes of my life.”
“Shit.” I rarely swore out loud, especially in front of my boss, but I was horrified he’d been through that.
“Mark was having none of it, though. I was frozen in place, and Mark just barged in and put the kettle on, asked my mum where the biscuits were and told my dad to park his arse on the chair because he had words to say.”
“Fuck.” My vocabulary had gone to shit.
Finn laughed and nodded at the waitress, who plonked a massive basket of pastries down next to us.
“Eat,” he said.
I was too scared not to. I picked out a chocolate croissant and carefully put the edge in my mouth. Bit off a piece. Tried to chew.
I chewed.
Finn nodded.
“You can do this.”
“I know.” I did. It was just hard. Harder still with people watching.
“It’s just me, and I know all your secrets.”
“That’s the point.”
“And now you know all mine.”
“So now you talk to your parents?”
He smiled, shook his head.
“My mum sent me a Christmas card last year, the first one in twenty years. Jesus and angels and all that and a bible verse inside. I cried so much I almost threw up. I’m a fully grown man, and it all came out. Mark thought I’d completely lost it.”
“Grown men are allowed to cry. That’s what my therapist always tells me.”
“Yeah.” He grabbed a croissant, shoved it in his mouth. “Life sometimes kicks you in the balls.”
“Yup,” I agreed. “And then we have to just stand up tall and get on with it.”
