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Life. It never quite turned out the way I expected, and as I was figuring out, living with Hugo was so, so good. I couldn’t describe it any other way. I loved our quiet existence of working shifts, waiting up for each other when we could and sitting at the kitchen table discussing our days. Butthen other times?
Mabel was picking him up to take him to their support group, and I felt the tension in the air just from hearing him breathe. He didn’t want to go, but I was with Mabel on this one, and I told him as much.
“It will be good for you to just get out. Have a cup of coffee and hang out with Mabel. They’re good company.”
“It’s not that,” he grunted into the scarf I tied around his neck. “It’s just not me. I never participated in the group sessions I was supposed to go to when I was in hospital. I’m not sociable. I don’t want to sit there and churn out sob stories and get applause for having survived my own stupidity.”
“Which is exactly why you should go,” I tried to encourage. “Because you are nowhere near stupid. If anyone is stupid, it’s me because I’m dreading spending the rest of the evening at home. Alone. Without you.”
“I’ll be back in no time,” he promised. Then he did that thing that made my insides clench in the very best way, like there were bubbles and pain and aching and happiness all brewing into my stomach, and it made me want to lift him up in my arms and bury my face in his neck and never let go.
I didn’t of course. I stood there as he rose up on his toes, his nose gently nudging mine as he took those long drawn-out breaths where he gathered himself up and steadied himself against my chest before carefully pressing his lips against mine.
Our kisses were tender and soft, gorgeously sensual as he gently moved, kissed the edge of my mouth, the tip of my arch, my bottom lip. He never asked for more, and I loved that we could just have this. No pressure. No expectations because in all his gorgeousness and beauty, I wasn’t ready for anything else. Didn’t need it.
He opened the door to leave and I tugged at his coat, dragged him back into my arms.
“Come back in one piece, yeah?”
“Of course I will. It’s just coffee and biscuits and a load of fellow nutcases.”
“Nutcases.” I grinned. “Don’t let Mabel hear you talk like that. They’ll have your balls in a vice before you know it.”
He laughed, waving as he walked down the stairs, then looked up at me and smiled and disappeared from view.
I flopped down on the sofa like the big lump of emotions I was. I’d lived here for years on my own. Survived endless evenings doing nothing but navel gazing and eating and smoking. Why tonight was any different was beyond me.
My navel gazing didn’t last long, though, as there was a key in the door and the familiar draft of air hitting me.
“Hu?” I called out.
“Nah, just me, arsehole.”
Mark. Of course.
“Figured you’d be alone and moping around on the sofa drinking wine, so I thought I’d join you.”
I heard his jacket hit the floor, followed by a bottle of red landing on the sofa, as he walked out into the kitchen and grabbed two glasses. Fishing the opener out of his pocket, he picked up the wine and plonked down next to me.
“Proper cork,” I commented.
“I’m not a heathen. Would I ever drink wine from a bottle with a screw cap?”
“Well, I don’t know. Would you?”
Ignoring my teasing, he poured two glasses and handed me one, then rested his head on my shoulder.
“I’ve missed this,” he admitted quietly. “I know I said all that stuff, but I miss you.”
“You’re such an idiot,” I muttered because that’s what we did. We wound each other up, hurled gentle insults…loved. God, Mark. He loved so fiercely, and I’d always been right there in the midst of it all. Loved. It hadn’t always felt like it, but it did now. Maybe I was becoming a little wiser as I got older. Maybe I was just emotionally drained.
“How’s your Hugo?” he asked.
“He’s good.” I couldn’t describe it any other way. “Really good.”
“Have you had sex yet?”
I’d taken a mouthful of wine and spluttered it all down the front of my shirt and onto the table. The Accident Lamp wobbled precariously. Laughing, Mark got up, moved the lamp away from the edge and went back to the kitchen, returning with a tea towel.
