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I smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile. Once again, I felt like a knife had been stabbed into my guts, blood threatening to spill all over the floor. Finn knew far too much, but it didn’t really matter. Not anymore. I managed a laugh. A forced one, but still.
Lewis swallowed, for a second looking down at his hands, then looking at me as if he expected support. I could have guaranteed him there would be none to be found here. He’d forced my hand, more than once. Embarrassed me professionally just to get his way. Made me give up a job I’d loved, even though I’d done nothing wrong. In return, I’d given him all my support. All my love. He’d had all the sweat, blood and tears out of my skin and bones until I was left with nothing.
There was nothing left of that Hugo. Zero. Just a shell. Invisible armour. And he couldn’t break something he couldn’t even see.
“I had a very interesting lunch with Thomas Greenwood a while back,” Finn continued. “I’m afraid he wasn’t very complimentary about his dealings with you, Mr Hope. Nor your attempts at blackmailing his establishment for your own financial gain. And I believe he involved the police that time as well.”
“It was all Hugo—”
I held up my hand, stopping him.
“I don’t want to hear it. There is nothing you can say to me that I want to listen to. Absolutely nothing.”
I put my hands down on the desk in front of me, copying how Finn would stand when he was talking to a particularly troublesome guest. I moved slowly, and Lewis seemed to lose his nerve.
I’d seen it before, when he’d hurt me enough for him to stop. When my body was too broken. When there was nothing left for him to destroy.
His sorry arse fell onto the chair, and he just stared up at me.
“There’s nothing for you here.” I spoke slowly. “Nothing. There is no past, not anymore. No present and no future. To me, you no longer exist. If you want to remember anything, remember that.”
He stared back. Our eyes locked together. He was waiting for me to back down. I always had.
I thought of the me I’d once been and the me I was now. If I’d looked around, I wouldn’t even have recognised myself.
“Don’t ever come here again. Don’t even talk to me. Just…don’t.”
“I still have some of your stuff!”
He sounded pathetic, exhausted. He didn’t look well. Another me would have felt sympathy, asked how he was doing, really doing.
“We’re open twenty-four hours a day,” Finn said flatly. “You are welcome to deliver Mr Burrows’ belongings at any time. We will ensure he gets them.”
“Please stop this. Please, Hugo.”
I’d heard him beg before, for forgiveness. For another chance. I asked myself if I’d gone cold. Because his bullshit didn’t work on me anymore.
I slowly stood myself up. Brushed myself down.
“I need to go see to a guest,” I said, my eyes still on Lewis. “Don’t ever come looking for me again.” I kept my voice light, casual, like this had no impact on me, none whatsoever.
He opened his mouth to protest, but I ignored it, turned around. Finn grabbed the door handle, pressed it down. I turned back to Lewis.
He was on his feet, holding on to the table. His mouth open in something unspoken that I had no interest hearing.
Enough. Fucking enough.
I wanted to scream at him.You had so many years of me, Lewis. All those fucking years. Still didn’t learn a thing, did you? You’re not eighteen anymore, and this? All this? Pathetic. You’re a pathetic waste of space and you hurt me. You fucking destroyed me, you absolute cunt! You destroyed everything I once was. There was nothing left of me in the end. Nothing at all. And look at me now.
“I want my passport back,” I said. “And there were four hundred pounds in tips under the sofa. I expect those to be returned as well. By Monday.”
Petty. But whatever. I honestly didn’t care anymore.
I walked past Finn, out of the door. Someone grabbed my arm and gently guided me the other way, down the back corridor. My eyes were too blinkered to focus. My chest spasmed in fear and hurt. So much bloody hurt.
“It’s okay, Hugo.”
Mark. Oh, thank fuck.
