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I felt guilty for taking up the doctor’s time.
I felt guilty for taking up Daddy's time.
I felt guilty that there would be other people who didn’t get seen because I was worked in.
There are people all over the country, all over this world, who don’t have access to basic healthcare. People who have suffered and go without simply because of the circumstances they were born into. I, on the other hand, have been afforded so many luxuries. Dealing with a little bit of hearing loss wasn’t an issue before now.
And yet Daddy felt itwasnecessary to get it fixed. He wanted me at my very best no matter what. It was a hard thing to accept. Especially when I don’t feel worthy.
Negative thoughts kept circling through my mind. It was like the further we got from the clinic, the more doubt I had about everything.
I was so wrapped up in myself, I didn't pay any attention to what was happening across from me. That meant I had zero clue Daddy was tuned into me and wasn’t happy about my sadness until I noticed a change in our speed.
The truck slowed as we neared the edge of town. We'd still need to cross through the main area to get to the ranch, so I wasn't sure why he wasn't keeping to the plan.
Daddy parked the truck in the gravel area next to the railroad tracks. He turned the ignition off, then turned in his seat to face me.
With his gaze on mine, he asked, “What's wrong, baby? Tell Daddy what's bothering you.”
I shook my head, unable to put it into words. How could I explain that everything in me just felt wrong? I didn't deserve all the good things I was getting.
Dr. Beverly had been so kind. She was thorough about every little thing, and she took all the questions we had in stride. There's still a lot we won't know until I get the devices, but I didn't feel completely inept upon leaving the office.
“We're going to sit here as long as we need to. If you won't be honest, I can wait you out. If you decide to be good and tell Daddy what's wrong, then I'll make you feel good so that all the bad thoughts leave.”
I perked up at the idea. “You will? How?”
“Don't worry about the how. Just know I’ll be able to take care of you. Now tell me what has my baby looking like I told him to put soap in his mouth or something equally as horrid.”
Looking away from him, I stared at the wooded area blocking our view of town. The area was picturesque in a way you couldn't capture in an actual photo. It calmed the nerves I felt, giving me the strength to say what I needed to.
“I don't feel right about it, Daddy. There are other people who need help too. Why me? Why am I so important that I deserve it and they don’t?”
“Because you're mine,” he said calmly. “That's true, isn't it?”
I nodded. “I am.”
“Well, as my boy, I decide what is and isn't right for you. I noticed something that you needed help with. It doesn't make you weak, and it doesn't mean anyone else is less deserving. It simply means I love you enough to want to do something about it. We have the means to improve your quality of life. Why would we not?”
“I guess it doesn't make sense not to.”
He nodded. “Exactly. And I want you to think of this... If the roles were reversed, and I needed something, would you want me to take care of it? Would you encourage me to get help?”
My head bobbed before he could finish the thought. “Absolutely! But it's different.”
“No, it's not, baby. That's what I'm trying to explain. You are worth all the time, money, and energy to do this. Trust Daddy to take care of things, ok? Let me get you where you should be, then you can tell me all the ways I was wrong if you don't feel better.”
I grinned at him since I could tell how ridiculous he was being. “Fine. We'll do it your way.”
He awarded me with a radiant smile. It turned wicked an instant before he popped his door open. I watched him walk around the truck to open my door, then I took his hand as he tugged me from the cab.
“What are you doing, Daddy?” I asked curiously.
“Making you feel good. I promised and now it's time to deliver.” He spun me around until I was leaning over the seat. “You stay just like this. Be as loud as you want. No one is going to hear us out here.”
Before I could ask what he meant, he was tugging my jeans down and shucking my underwear too. I heard the distinct sound of a lube bottle, then cold fingers were circling my ass.
“Arch your back more. Show me what's mine.”
