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The only thing I wanted to do was the one thing I wasn’t allowed to.
Scream.
I wanted to scream my fucking heart out.
Ellis must have seen how close to the edge I was, and he approached me, seemingly contemplating whether to deal his final blow. I knew what he was going to say before the words even left his mouth.
“You’re going to lose your virginity tonight,” he said sweetly, his hands touching me lightly, his fingertips leaving goosebumps in their wake.
I nodded, holding my mouth closed and looking up at him with my eyes wide and pleading. I wouldn’t say a word until he let me. I would do anything he wanted me to just so I could get a hit I’d never known I needed. Anything, anything he fucking wanted, for one orgasm. I didn’t even care how he made it happen anymore.
“That’s when you get to come,” he went on. “That’s when my cunt gets to squirt. You know how it’s going to happen, little one?”
I shook my head and he leaned down next to me, his voice a whisper in my ear.
“You will be blindfolded.” His voice was a soft caress, his tongue flicking against the nape of my neck, making me shiver in absolute silence. “You will be bound. You will be in a cool, quiet room and you won’t be able to see a thing. But you get to scream and beg and whimper as much as you need to. You won’t be fucked by just me. You’ll be fucked by men and women all night. They’ll do whatever the fuck they want to you while I supervise. And the only rule they’ll be aware of…”
He bit my ear and I bit my tongue so hard it bled. I couldn’t let myself make a sound. Not now, not yet.
“…Is that they can’t stop until you’ve been passed out for over a minute,” he finished. “I’ll be counting the seconds, little one. I bet it will take a while.”
He took my chin in his hands and lifted my face to look at him.
I didn’t hide my tears. Instead, I stared at him with devotion and my bottom lip trembling. My eyes were brimming with tears as he rubbed a finger over my lips.
“You don’t want to tell me how much you want that?” he taunted me, and I couldn’t help myself anymore.
I opened my mouth and sobbed, tears running down my face in rivulets and mixing with my saliva. I was a mess in seconds, shaking and crying so uncontrollably and loudly I thought I would pass out from the panic alone. He kneeled next to me, his hands soft against my cheeks as he stroked me.
“Shhh, baby,” he whispered, and my heart jumped. “Shhhh, it’s okay.”
He let me collapse against him, and his fingers deftly worked the knots around my shaking limbs. What was impossible for me to do myself, he finished in a couple of seconds, and the ropes fell away from me, leaving me shaking and terrified, clutching him for comfort and so very desperate for him to reassure me.
And then he was sitting on the floor, and his strong hands had dragged me into his lap. I settled against him, curling up into the smallest ball I could and growing quiet again, my sobs subsiding but the panic remaining, reigning supreme in my broken body. I went perfectly still, perfectly quiet. My body was rigid as I anticipated his punishment. I’d never been more terrified. I kept remembering his words.
If you make a fucking sound, I’m going to beat you black and blue.
I could feel the bruises already, knowing exactly which spots he would choose to turn into pretty blooms of color. But he didn’t do anything. Just held onto me tightly, so close I could barely breathe. I clung to him, my body submitting completely. Not a single breath escaped my lips as I waited for him to change his mind.
“I won’t touch you,” he promised me, the words whispered against my hair. “I promise you, Harlow, I’m not going to hurt you tonight.”
I gasped when he moved his mouth to mine and swallowed my exhale, kissing me with desperate need and a yearning I couldn’t fulfill. It wasn’t the first time I wondered whether I was, unbeknownst to me, involved in some sort of love triangle. It felt like he was a million miles away with his mind, but the kiss was greedy and reckless, needing me to respond. His body wanted me, but his mind was somewhere else.
“Okay,” I finally said, the words painful in my dry throat after hours of being tortured. “Okay, it’s okay, that’s okay.”
He couldn’t stop kissing me. He grabbed me by my throat and pinned me against the wall, kissing me like I was the sweetest little whore he’d ever had. I responded, but my eyes remained open, and I watched every expression under the sun dance over his face. Anger, denial. Fear, need, longing, wanting, regret. It was all there.
