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Charlie hated her.
Once in her room, she leaned against the wall and stared at the ceiling. How did she let it go on this long? Everything in her ached, and she deserved it. Tears sprang into her dry, crusty eyes as she moved to her closet.
After pulling in a large breath, she ripped off all the clothes from the hangers and plugged in her iron. One by one, she ironed each piece within an inch of their life and rehung them. She tore the sheet off the bed and tossed it in the hamper. She snapped the new sheet in the air and tugged and pulled until the lines were sharp and crisp.
Sweat beaded above her brow as she reached for an extra toothbrush and cleaner from the closet. Kneeling down, she gripped the brush and pushed it in frantic circles around the border of the room. Spraying and scrubbing, over and over, shaking her cramped fingers out, and pushing again until the bristles bent and finally the brush snapped in half.
She whipped it across the room and it hit the wall with a dull smack. “Ahhhh!” She slid down to her bottom and wrapped her arms around her knees.
Footsteps sounded outside of her open door. “Mack? You okay?”
She kept her back to her dad and nodded. He’d be disgusted with her if he looked at her. At this point, she was running on fumes. If one more person she loved started hating her, it would throw her over the edge.
Why didn’t she just tell Charlie at the beginning? Right away and own up to the consequences? Once again, she put her need to succeed in front of the people she loved. Her shoulders shook before the rest ofher joined in. She tried to swallow back her silent cry, but the high-pitched squeal escaped, and she buried her head in her hands.
“Whoa. What happened? You okay?” Her father’s concerned voice made her shake even more. He knelt down and held out her arms like he was inspecting for damage. “Mackey. Did someone hurt you? Talk to me.”
She folded herself into his soft T-shirt and muscular chest and sobbed. She was unworthy of his care. Reading his tone and tense body, she knew he verged on splitting someone’s jawbone thinking someone had hurt his daughter.
“No one hurt me,” she croaked.
But I hurt them. In the worst way imaginable.
“Come on, let’s grab you some water.” He pulled her up to her feet and followed her down the hall.
In the kitchen, she slumped on the stool and rested her head on the kitchen island. The granite was cool against her burning forehead, and she took multiple deep, shaky breaths. Her dad patted her on the back and pulled a stool next to her.
“What the hell happened?”
No words formed. Her insides burned and she kept her eyes down to avoid looking in his eyes. “I screwed up so hard, and I don’t know what to do.”
He angled his head. “What did you do?”
Where should she start? Ruined the one and only chance she ever had with the love of her life. Put her own needs above others’ like she did all the time. Destroyed her chances at happiness. “I can’t even tell you.”
He exhaled. “You gotta tell me, otherwise I can’t help.”
“I don’t deserve your help.”
“Enough with the bullshit, kid.” He placed his hand on the counter next to her. “I’d bury bodies for you. Tell me.”
Her mouth felt like she’d been chewing on sawdust. “You know how I go places to observe, right? Get fuel for my stories. When I met Charlie, shejust provided so much good stuff. Like, inspired me to work.”
His eyebrows furrowed. “What am I not following here?”
“I didn’t know I’d fall in love with her and ruin everything.”
“Mack, you gotta stop speaking cryptically. Just tell me what happened.”
She pushed her knuckles into her temple and unloaded. Confessed to him like he was a priest, and she was on her knees regurgitating her sins. “But the night we slept together, I stopped.”
Her dad failed to hide the grimace on his face.
“I was going to tell her. A million times. But everything was so good and pure, and I didn’t want to ruin it.” She pulled a paper towel off the rack and blew her nose.
He slid his baseball cap backward and drummed his fingers against the counter. Several long moments passed. “You really love her a lot, don’t you?”
Dabbing her eyes with her fingertip, she nodded. “So much. I never thought I’d have this, and I just… I don’t think I can fix this.”
