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She made a little humming sound of contentment in her throat and, thank God, it was enough to snap me back to reality. I leapt up and away, finally, much too late to save myself from the pain, the anguish, of loving and losing her. I was ripping myself apart inside as I stared down at her, lying in my bed, her dark-blonde hair spread across my pillow, her grey eyes clouded as she gazed up at me.
Clouded. Because she wasn’t all there.
Thacker, you piece of shit. You fucking asshole.
I opened my mouth to apologize, to excuse myself, anything. But then she spoke one word that flayed me like a scalpel.
“Jamie,” she muttered. Then her eyelids drooped, and she sank back into the pillows.
Jamie. She thought I was her boyfriend. She was so out of it, she was hallucinating that she was home, safe, with a man she actually liked.
I set my jaw and backed away from the bedside as she slipped into a deep sleep.
My heart was already in pieces in my chest. I’d broken it myself, years ago. I’d never believed in love, just in getting what I wanted. That would be the curse that would haunt me for the rest of my days. I wasn’t worthy of love. My obsession with Hope was evidence of that—I was all hung up on one of my employees, who was already committed to someone else. She was just my type—a completely unavailable woman who hated my guts. She was in my bed, but she was asking for another man.
I could taste my bitterness in the back of my throat as I dragged the armchair that was normally by the window over to the bedside, placing it squarely in front of her face. I’d agreed not to take her to the hospital—for now—but I was going to sit right here all night, and if I saw any sign that she was slipping, I wouldn’t be asking for permission.
34.
Hope
The sunlight was so bright, it was burning my corneas before I even opened my eyes. I groaned and the sound was like an ice pick in my ear. Wincing, I rolled over onto my side and hid my face in the pillow. The silky material was cool and soothing against my hot cheeks. I nuzzled into it, enjoying the sensation. And then I realized, like waking up from a dream, that these were not my cheap flannel sheets. Not by a long shot.
I cracked one eye and was temporarily blinded by the sun. Hissing, I brought my arm up to shield my face. Then I tried again, blinking through the pain as my eyes adjusted.
The room came into focus—much bigger than my bedroom. And brighter. Except for the dark blob that was right in front of me… As the details filled in, I realized that I recognized the blob.
I screamed and scrambled to the far edge of the mattress, away from my boss, who was in an armchair that was pulled up right beside the bed. He sat there calmly, his ankle propped on his opposite knee, his dark eyes trained on me, patiently waiting for me to stop freaking out.
“Where the fuck am I?” I shrieked, sounding as unhinged as I felt.
“You’re at my house,” Thacker answered flatly. My eyes jumped back to him.
“Why?!”
“It’s kind of a long story,” he said. My mind was spinning. A long story? I tried to think back, to remember what I’d done the night before, but everything was blank. Except for the fight I had with Thacker right before I left the restaurant… “Why don’t you take a few minutes to gather yourself and then come out to the kitchen? I’ll make some breakfast.”
He didn’t wait for a response. He closed the door on his way out.
Gather yourself.Charming as always. Did the fucker kidnap me? I’d been working for him for a couple of years now, but did I really know him? Was he actually a deranged psychopath who had been biding his time?
I glanced down at myself, pulling the covers back to see that I was in one of my favorite outfits, a sparkly gold minidress with long sleeves and a high collar. I blinked, still clueless as to how I’d ended up in these clothes, in this bed.
Then the edges started to fill in a bit. I remembered texting Jeanine, remembered meeting her at Copper’s. In this dress…
“Oh, god,” I moaned, closing my eyes. Did I see Thacker there and somehow end up coming home with him? As the thought occurred to me, I reached under the hem of my dress, touching the satin fabric of my underwear. Pushing them aside, I slid my middle finger deep inside myself.
No sign that I’d slept with him at least. But there were other ways I could have screwed the pooch…literally. Jamie had consented to share me, but was it still cheating if I went home with another man behind his back? A man for whom I had…complicated feelings?
I felt sick. My racing thoughts were making me dizzy. I swung my legs over the side of Thacker’s bed, and my feet dangled a foot off the floor. I slipped down the silky sheets until I was standing on the cool hardwood.
I instantly felt more grounded. I took a deep breath, then another.
My phone. My eyes darted around the room and landed on it, on the dresser beside the door. I took a step forward, and that’s when I realized that my body was about a thousand pounds heavier than usual. I felt like someone had tied cement blocks to my ankles. And my head…
The pain came on as suddenly as if someone had stabbed me right between the eyes. My knees nearly went out from under me.
The last thing I remembered from the previous night was meeting Jeanine at a table near the bar. I was ten minutes late, as usual. Wearing this stupid dress. Ready to act stupid, drink too much, and punish myself because I was pissed off at my boss.
