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I’d done anal a few times, clumsy attempts with my college boyfriend and one weird one-night stand, and a couple of times with Jamie when we were still firmly standing on the “vanilla” side of the kink line.
His cock resting, twitching, against my ass, I felt his thumb start to circle my back entrance again, and this time he pushed until his fingertip slipped inside. There was a moment of sharp discomfort, but before I’d even had time to fully register it, it had dissolved into warm, spreading bliss. Jamie moved his thumb slowly in and out of me, a little deeper each time, stretching my tight hole. Then he sank it to the knuckle in my ass, until his palm was resting flat against my skin. He just held it there, letting my body warm up. But I was plenty warm. I needed more.
“Fuck me, Jamie,” I begged. He groaned, and then he pulled his thumb out and replaced it with the blunt crown of his cock, now even slicker with pre-come and lube.
I took a deep breath, and on the exhale, he pushed inside.
My world went white, then pulsed red. The feeling was like pain, but it wasn’t pain. I was sure, at first, that I wouldn’t be able to keep going. That I couldn’t take any more. I was sure that I would have to beg him to stop just like I’d begged him to start. Rowan stroked my hair as Jamie sank slowly but surely into my ass, his weight bearing down on me, pressing me into Rowan’s chest. The pressure just kept building, and there was nowhere left for it to go. I was filled so completely, I was afraid I would burst. For the second time that night, I felt like I was at my breaking point. But then Jamie reached around, sliding his hand between my hip and Thacker’s, probing with his fingers until they found my clit. He rubbed it gently, coaxing my body into submission. My body was still trying to fight him, still trying to push him out, but when he pressed that magic button, I unraveled. I went limp between them, and my muscles finally stopped contracting around his cock and let him in. Rowan kissed the top of my head as Jamie rocked his hips back and forth, up and down, stretching me without moving in and out. I was amazed at the ability of my body to expand like this, to fit them both. On the few occasions Jamie had fucked my ass before, there was a lot more room because Rowan’s thick, ten-inch cock wasn’t filling me up from the other side. Even when they were both inside my pussy, it wasn’t like this. I felt like they’d invaded me.
Rowan fisted his hand in my hair, tilting my face back and plunging his tongue into my mouth. Filling my last hole. I started bucking, writhing, whimpering against his lips as he tongue-fucked me. I could feel his cock swelling, deep inside me, where I was sure there could not possibly be any room left.
Rowan didn’t stop kissing me when Jamie pulled out and pushed steadily back into me. Tears were coursing down my cheeks but even I didn’t know what they were for. I’d never felt more raw, more alive, than I did right then. Jamie started to move in and out of me in a rhythm, gentle thrusts that picked up in intensity. He was fucking me down onto Rowan’s cock, and we were still making out like horny teenagers. Rowan gripped my ass, spreading my cheeks wide for Jamie, who straightened up to watch himself disappear between them.
“God,” I groaned. “Yes, god, fuck me. Please fuck my ass.” I was babbling, pleading for the thing they were already giving me.
They exchanged a look over my head and then Rowan used his grip on my ass to drive me down hard onto his cock. Jamie grabbed my hips and jerked me roughly back. He was slicing me in two, in the most exquisite way. I screamed every time he dragged me back, every time he pushed me forward, as they passed me back and forth and neither one ever fully left me. Neither let up as I went to pieces.
Rowan’s thumb found my clit and skated over it, back again, teasing me but also pushing me to the farthest limits of pleasure I’d ever known.
“I’m gonna—,” I started, but it was too late for a warning, too late to ask for permission. I was already coming, before I even realized it. I cried out as Jamie grabbed my elbows and pulled me up onto my knees, jutting my tits out so they were swinging in Rowan’s face. The orgasm unfurled forever, infinite and resounding. I was shaking, sweating, exhausted—but they didn’t stop. They fucked me through that climax and then brought me to another, together, before Jamie picked up the pace, plowing into me at the same time that Rowan raised his hips, both of them grunting as they used my body, fucking it, fucking me, fucking all three of us straight into oblivion.
40.
Hope
Jamie was snoring beside me, but I couldn’t sleep. I kept replaying the events of the previous night, the conversation I’d had with Thacker that morning. It haunted me, how close I’d come to having a benign fantasy transformed into a horrific reality. The only thing that saved me was Thacker, who I’d hated up until the moment I listened to those voicemails.
And now…?
On my other side, Rowan shifted. He was lying with his back to me, and I had been sure he was asleep, too, but he sat up gently, barely disturbing the mattress. He shoved his feet into the legs of his pants and then stood up, shimmying them on. I watched without comment. He never spent the night. Probably post-climax clarity.
When he turned around and saw me watching him, he froze.
“I thought you were asleep,” he said softly, tugging the hem of his T-shirt into place. I smiled and shook my head, tears brimming in my eyes. They’d been right under the surface all day, all night, even when Rowan and Jamie were taking me to outer space. I’d needed the distraction. I craved them, craved release, some kind of catharsis after what I’d been through. But it was only a temporary measure, and now that it was over, reality was flooding back in.
Rowan saw the first tear fall and his face changed. He’d been looking at me warily, like an animal caught in a trap. But when he realized I was crying, he frowned. I could see his compassion, his caring heart, take over as he sat down on the edge of the bed.
“What’s wrong, princess?” My lips twitched at the nickname, the one he’d taken to calling me more often than not these days. But when I tried to speak, to explain myself, I just crumpled.
With a look of alarm, Rowan wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his lap.
“Shh, shh,” he soothed me, stroking my hair. “Is this about what we did tonight?”
I shook my head vehemently. He nodded, resting his lips on top of my head for a minute.
“Is this about what happened last night?” I nodded. Now I was sobbing in earnest. I could feel that his body was tense underneath me, but he didn’t let me go. He held me tight, rocking me in his lap as I cried quiet, gulping tears. Everything I’d been swallowing was rising up, spewing out of me, and I couldn’t stop it. I clapped my hand over my mouth to stifle the sound. I didn’t want to wake Jamie. I didn’t want any of this.
I wanted to rewind the clock forty-eight hours, before the rude wake-up call that had shown me the flip side to my fantasies of being used. My blood ran cold every time I thought about the fear I heard in Thacker’s voicemail, his barely controlled anger when he recounted what had happened over breakfast.
But trying to hide this from Jamie was a fool’s errand from the start. He was a deep sleeper, but he had a sixth sense when it came to me, and that sense was clearly tingling. Or I wasn’t being as quiet as I thought. Because all of a sudden, he shot bolt upright in bed, staring around like he had no idea where he was. When his eyes landed on me in Rowan’s lap, something unreadable crossed his face before he was fully awake. When he was, he jumped across the mattress to get to me.
Rowan handed me over willingly. He probably thought I was crazy, or messy, or both. I clung to Jamie, burying my face in his shoulder and letting the tears flow. I wanted to get ahold of myself. I didn’t want to be so affected by something that hadn’t even happened.
I was okay. I was safe. I knew that I was safe with Jamie. He was home, and my breathing evened out in no time as he held me. In minutes, I’d cried myself out and slipped into a deep, peaceful sleep.
41.
Rowan
