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She recognised that the events of this night had all the cautionary indicators associated with sub-drop, but she wasn't convinced that the current atmosphere was conducive to avoiding it. Maybe she should just send Joel home and ring Jake or maybe even Charlotte. As she finished washing her hair, Desi decided to tackle him about it when she got out of the bath.
Grabbing a soft, warm robe off the back of the door, Desi walked back into the bedroom to find Joel had returned carrying a tray laden with two bowls of stew which he must have dug out of her freezer and zapped in the microwave and a couple of crusty rolls spread with a generous amount of butter. She also noticed a single mug of steaming hot chocolate topped with mini marshmallows.
He set the tray down on her bedside cabinet and patted the bed, then balanced the tray on her knee after she climbed in. Sitting down next to her, Joel put the mug back on the cabinet and grabbed his own bowl and spoon.
They ate in a fairly amicable silence until most of the food was gone.
"I'm not sure this is working." Desi finally put into words what was on her mind.
Joel paused with his spoon halfway to his mouth, then deliberately finished his mouthful.
"I know it's a little awkward, Desi," he eventually replied. "It's been a long time, and our issues from the past have never been properly resolved."
She opened her mouth to speak, but he continued. "But it's too late now to change anything."
Desi wasn't sure if he was referring to the current situation or their history.
"It's three am. Let's just sleep on it and see how things are in the morning." Joel would be damned if he'd let her call Jake over and have his cousin thinking he didn't have a handle on things.
"Now drink your hot chocolate while I rinse these dishes, and I'll give your shoulders a rub."
He swapped the bowl for the mug and ended any further discussion by leaving the room. He returned a few minutes later with an overnight bag and a small bottle of massage oil he'd picked up at the club.
Desi watched as Joel stripped off his leathers and hung them in her wardrobe. He stood before her in just a pair of black jersey boxer shorts that hugged his muscular thighs and highlighted his perfect ass and did nothing to conceal his generous manhood.
She licked lips that were, once again, suddenly parched and looked her fill at his delicious body, now that she didn't have to avert her gaze. Following the contours of his well-defined pecs, down to his lean waist and washboard abs, along the path of the dusting of chest hair which narrowed to a pencil width and dipped out of sight at his waistband. She itched to run her fingers through that hair, to trace his happy-trail, but Joel had never tolerated that kind of familiarity, even eleven years ago. Her eyes drifted down his long, muscular legs and her breath hitched at the image of those powerful hips pumping against her softness, sending a rush of moisture to bloom between her thighs. She tried to drag her mind out of the gutter by focussing on the least interesting part of his frame, but jeez, even his bare feet were somehow sexy. Damn, she had it bad!
Joel took the empty mug and put it aside. "Lie on your stomach," he commanded, already pulling at the belt on the robe.
Desi rolled over before removing it, although she wasn't quite sure why it seemed important to keep herself covered at this point.
He draped the discarded robe across the ottoman at the foot of her bed and straddled her thighs, pinning her firmly underneath him, and Desi felt her stomach do a slow summersault. Yeah, she guessed that Jake had been right all along. Being dominated definitely did something for her. Looked like her submissive gene was well and truly entrenched. Why had she never realised that for herself, before now? Or had it just been that she had deliberately eradicated everything she associated with Joel when she had run away, regardless of whether it was something she identified with or not.
That was rather a sobering thought because she knew it to be true to some extent. She had thrown away her entire brightly coloured wardrobe and her beloved sculpture. She had altered her entire sunny personality. Not really because they were connected with Joel, but because they were part of the life that she believed people didn't take seriously. She had reinvented herself from scratch, and she was only now starting to realise that it had been a mistake to eliminate all of the things that had made her happy. Maybe it was time to start thinking about taking them back. Was it possible to start unravelling the sombre woman she'd become, after all this time?
Joel poured some oil onto his hands and started sweeping them across her back and shoulders. Desi sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. Boy, did that feel good. Her muscles started to ease under Joel's expert ministrations, and after another ten minutes, her eyes started to droop, both the mental and the physical exertion of the last few hours finally catching up with her.
Joel noticed the deepening of Desi's breathing and finished smoothing his fingertips across her sleek, tanned skin, admiring the few light welts that hadn't yet faded. They'd be gone by morning; he never struck any of his subs that harshly nor would he allow others to, though with Desi, unlike any other woman, he sometimes experienced the overwhelming temptation to mark her, indisputably, as his own. Not necessarily with a whip or a cane, although the idea certainly had some merits, but maybe with a permanent collar or even a ring.
It had always been that way with her. He felt it now just as he'd felt it eleven years ago. The fact that he wanted to, that he was tempted to let go of his control and surrender his soul, well, that was just another reason why he refused to let her get too close. She weakened him, undermined his restraint, left him exposed. And that simply wouldn't do.
The problem was that keeping his distance hadn't been working. For the last month, he'd been avoiding her, and when that wasn't an option, he'd kept her at arm's length, all their interactions strictly business.
And every time he had seen her, all he could think about was tying her up and carrying her off someplace where he could have his wicked way with her. It had been driving him nuts; he was constantly hard whenever she was in a room with him, and his concentration was shot to hell every time he looked at her. He'd spent as much time back at the head office as he could possibly justify, simply so he didn't have to tolerate his own weakness.
He'd even gone to Club Risqué with the sole intent of breaking his self-imposed abstinence and finding himself a sub whom he could take out his frustrations with.
The trouble was that every single one he considered just hadn't been Desi. None of them had fired his enthusiasm…or even his cock, and that had pissed him off even more.
After he had flown in earlier and decided to check out the subs at 'Perversions', he had almost thought that he'd started hallucinating, as well, when he saw her there in a corset that plumped her already generous breasts and those tiny little shorts that cuddled her gorgeous, curvy ass, and finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He'd stormed straight to the booking desk and had reserved a room for the entire night, determined to get Desi out of his system once and for all.
He'd almost convinced himself that nothing could be as good as he remembered, that she would never manage to conform to his impossibly high standards of perfection.
Of course, she'd proved him wrong, yet again. Looked like he'd have to come up with a different tactic.
Just as well he had one in mind, in the style of that old adage 'familiarity breeds contempt'. He and Desi were about to get very familiar.
Chapter Sixteen
