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“How many horses do you have?” Sadie asks.
“Two,” Carter says. “Their names are Copper and Sunset. We can saddle up, if you’d like, Sadie. What do you say? Are you up for a tour of the ranch on horseback?”
Sadie’s eyes light up. “Really?”
“Of course. As long as your mom’s up for it.”
Sadie looks at me with pleading eyes. “Can we, Mom?”
“I’ve never ridden a horse,” I say, that feeling of inadequacy pulsing in me again.
“We’ll take it slow,” Carter says, giving me a panty-melting smile. “I promise there won’t be any galloping involved.”
When we get to the barn, Carter saddles up the horses and goes over some basics. When he offers to take Sadie on his horse, I’m torn between feeling overprotective of my daughter and grateful that he’s making an effort to get to know her. Since I’m not confident in how I’m going to handle my own horse, I encourage Sadie to ride with Carter, and she happily mounts his horse.
With Carter and Sadie riding Copper, and me riding Sunset, we start off from the barn. The horses seem to know where to take us without needing any guidance, staying side by side as we meander across the open pasture. Meanwhile, Carter speaks with laidback ease about the land we’re getting a tour of.
It’s nice to hear him talk about it. It’s obvious he knows every square inch of this land, and that it’s not just real estate to him. The way he speaks about the land conveys how appreciative he is to have ownership of this domain.
And yet I’m still struggling to reconcile how different our lives are. He owns all of this gorgeous land, while I’m living paycheck to paycheck and am only able to afford a small apartment. Sadie and I have certainly made it our own, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s barely big enough for the two of us. The only bit of green in our apartment is the potted basil plant on our kitchen windowsill.
“Can we ride down to the lake, Carter?” Sadie asks hopefully.
“Absolutely,” Carter says, then clicks his tongue. The horses obey his command, and we make our way down to the shimmering lake.
Once there, Carter dismounts from his horse, then helps Sadie down. While she runs off toward the lake’s edge, where some ducks are swimming, Carter extends a hand for me to take.
“Thank you,” I say, accepting his help as I dismount Sunset. I try my best to be graceful about it, but as I’m dismounting, my foot catches on the saddle and suddenly I’m tumbling into Carter’s strong arms.
“Whoa, you okay?” he asks, his thick eyebrows knitting together as he steadies me.
“I’m fine,” I say quickly. His arms are still protectively wrapped around me, and my heart is racing from the embrace. I swear I can feel his chiseled abs through his shirt.
Calm down, I silently beg myself.For Pete’s sake, he was just looking out for you.
Carter holds onto me for a second longer, then slowly drops his arms away. His eyes focus intently on mine as he looks down at me.
“Hey, sorry about earlier,” he says. “That wasn’t intentional.”
My neck flushes as the vivid memory of his naked body flashes in my mind.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say.
“Really,” he says. “I’m mortified about it, Andrea.”
Is he? He certainly doesn’t seem embarrassed.
“It’s really not a big deal,” I say, wishing this conversation would end.
Carter crooks an eyebrow. “No?”
“I mean, it’s not like I see that kind of thing every day, but—” I cut myself off. I’m just making this worse. “It’s not a big deal. Let’s just forget it happened.”
“All right,” he says. “Deal.” Then he smiles. “Aside from seeing me naked, how are you feeling about this? Does it feel weird? Good? Bad?”
In our letters, Carter and I have always been emotionally candid with each other. I’ve expressed many thoughts and feelings to him that I’ve never shared with anyone else—fears, worries, longings, regrets, joys. But right now, I suddenly understand how much easier it is to be vulnerable with someone through a letter. It’s so different in person.
“I’m overwhelmed,” I tell him.
