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Sadie’s the only friend in my life who understands my career dreams and the reality of the publishing world. She’s the first person I call about anything related to my work.
Noah is typically the second, but I’ve been too ashamed to tell him I’m unemployed.
“Fernwood called,” I say as soon as Sadie answers. “He’s giving me a shot at getting my job back.”
The silence on the other end of the line unsettles me. Why isn’t Sadie cheering?
“I just have to edit a manuscript without hysterics and he’s going to go to bat for me with Gerald. This is good news, Sadie.” She doesn’t need to know about the other thing I have to do. She won’t approve.
“Is it?” She speaks slowly, like she’s testing the words. “Is this what you really want?”
A ball of lead drops into the pit of my stomach. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that after working yourself to near literal death, Fernwood treated you like absolute shit. Are you sure you want to go back to that? You’re an awesome editor, Daisy. You should let me make a few calls and get you an interview with another publisher.”
That ball of lead warms slightly, but not with any good feeling. “You know how much this means to me. And literal death? Really?”
“What would you call quitting your job, the only job you’ve ever wanted, going back to your apartment, and sleeping for three days?”
“I was running on only a couple hours of sleep, and Fernwood dropped that bomb on me at a bad moment. And it’s not like I slept straight through for three days, I—“
“Liza borrowed Keri’s baby monitor to make sure you didn’t stop breathing, Daisy. And it wasn’t just one night of no sleep. You’ve been running yourself ragged trying to get this promotion.”
“For all the good it did me,” I mutter.
“Exactly. Fernwood has never appreciated everything you’ve done for him. He gave your promotion to a fucking intern. I just wonder if…”
That ball of lead is getting hotter. “Spit it out, Sadie. No reason to hold back now.”
“You’ve been chasing this dream for so long, sweetie. I just wonder if you’ve sat back and considered if it’s still what you want.”
“Of course it’s what I want. It’s all I want.”
“And all I’m saying is maybe that’s a problem. You haven’t dated in years—“
“I date.”
“Going back to his place for a sleepover doesn’t count as dating, even if he buys you dinner first, when you have no intention of ever seeing him again.”
“I just haven’t met the right guy.”
“You don’t even have a hobby, other than exercising exactly the prescribed amount to keep you from an early grave.”
“I have hobbies. I love to read and… Shop for books.”
“That doesn’t count. Maybe you should use this time to figure out what makes you happy. Of course, you have to come backto the city. You never should have left, but maybe it’s time for a change.”
“I don’t want to work anywhere else. Climbing the ladder to the top of Tenth Avenue Books will make me happy.”
“I don’t think—“
“Fernwood is a dick, but if I work hard enough, I won’t have to deal with him anymore. Maybe I’ll even get to be his boss. If I lure this rock star author away from her indie publisher, everyone will know my name at Tenth Avenue Books. It’s exactly the chance I need.”
The silence on the other end of the line lets me know I’ve said too much.
“You’re going to poach an author from another publisher?”
That ball of lead goes cold at the sound of horror in her voice, but I will not be shamed. I close my eyes and breathe fire into my lungs. “You know how Brantley got my promotion, Sadie? He went to all the happy hours and made nice with all the right people. He played golf with Fernwood every other Saturday. While I worked my ass off just to get noticed, he flirted and cajoled and threatened interns into doing most of his work. Everyone who succeeds in the real world does it by cheating. That’s what’s been holding me back. That’s what I’ve been missing. I’ve been passed over for a promotion four times because I thought all I needed was to be good at my job, but I’ve finally realized how wrong I was and I’m going to do something about it.”
