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“Sure thing, man.” Kai takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I’ll be right back, babe.”
“Okay.” I smile, secretly wishing his touch would paddle shock my desire for him into action. But, unfortunately, it remains flat lined.
Once Kai leaves the table, Zay taps my arm again and I turn to face him. “Your boy there is coming on a little strong.”
“Not really.” I shake my head. “He’s just naturally flirty. I like him.”
“Yeah, but you want Leo.”
I won’t deny what he saw for himself.
“You’re playing with fire,” Zay warns. “Sleeping with Leo is a huge risk. The man is gorgeous from head to toe, even if he is stiff, and yes, pun intended. I’d drop my pants for him in a New York minute, but I can separate emotions from sex.”
“So can I.”
“Baby Girl, please.” He rolls his eyes. “Your big heart is your greatest strength, and you have plenty of other amazing assets, so that’s saying a lot. Even your past flings had some sort of emotional connection. You can’t do it any other way, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I haven’t even decided to accept his invitation.”
“But you will. The horse has already left the barn.”
“How romantic,” I say sarcastically.
“You see, you’re already expecting romance.”
“I’m not, Zay. I know what I’d be getting with Leo. If I go for it, it’ll be sex only. We don’t even like each other orhave anything in common. We’ll merely be satisfying a physical need.” Just the thought of sex with Leo has me clamping my thighs together and squirming in my seat.
“Hmm,” he says dubiously. “And what about Kai?”
“We’re just friends.”
“Kai might have gotten the memo, but he didn’t read it.”
“He’ll move on. Kai can get plenty of women. He won’t waste his time on me for much longer.”
“I don’t know, Jazz. He really seems into you. Calling youbabe, kissing your hand.”
“That’s just part of his charm. His interest will fizzle out.”
“And if it doesn’t? Do you think you can continue seeing Kai while sleeping with his brother? There’s no way that’s going to work. From what Kai has said, his relationship with Leo sounds contentious at best. You don’t want to further that rift and be the cause of burning the house down.”
CHAPTER 8
Jazz
THE BLARE OF MY ALARM on Saturday morning, brings with it a mild hangover. I might have gotten completely wasted to forget my troubles, if I didn’t have five classes to teach today. We got home around two o’clock after Kai ordered us an Uber. I thanked him for a fun evening and gave him a hug. That’s when he went in for a kiss. It felt like an insult to evade his mouth, and if I’m being honest, I was still hoping for that spark. I wanted a reason to turn down Leo. When our lips met, it was nice, but it wasn’t anything like with his brother. I placed a hand on Kai’s chest to stop the kiss from going any further.
Kai had smiled and tucked a curl behind my ear. “I’ll call you.”
I let out a heavy sigh, my fingers wrapped tightly around my coffee mug. Why couldn’t I be attracted to Kai? Like seriously. Why do I prefer complicated? It’s like my mom used to say; I never choose the easy path. If there were two options in front of me, one straightforward, the other full of twists and turns, I’d always go for the challenge, even if it meant getting lost along the way. Some might call that just plain foolish, but Mom called it staying true to my spirit. She believed in embracing yourself andnot fighting who you are or conforming to society’s expectations. That’s how she lived her life.
When she was thirty-four, she became a single mother. I don’t know who my father is, and neither did she. He was just a faceless, nameless man in a sperm donor book. She picked him because they had the same taste in music and he was a dancer. To her that equaled creative and sensitive, the traits she wanted to pass on to her child.
I miss her so much. That quick, infectious smile, her laughter that could light up a room, and those warm, effusive hugs that felt like she was pouring all her love into your very soul. If she were here, she’d tell me to trust my instincts and follow my heart. But I don’t know if I should. Wanting Leo doesn’t seem like the smartest move. In fact, it seems every bit the opposite.
Leaving Zay to sleep in, I grab a muffin, and head to Fab Fitness to teach “Low Don’t Mean Slow,” a low-impact cardio and light weights workout that’s easy on the joints but is still energetic. I’m happy to see a full class. Women enjoying themselves and moving their bodies. When Grier Cartwright, who’s only a little older than me, first joined, she mentioned wanting to work out with other women, many of whom are also plus-sized, in a space where she felt accepted and supported. Today, I notice that she’s not wearing a baggy T-shirt that hides her body. This one fits her well, which tells me she’s gaining confidence. That matters more than a scorecard or fat ratio. It’s a concept that Leo doesn’t appreciate in the least, and that alone should be enough for me to decline his “invitation.”
“Great class,” Gwen says, cutting into my thoughts. “You okay?” She peers at me closely.
