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“She’s the only good thing that has come from this war.” Bridgette inspects my wound while I watch her daughter. “It’s looking better, but you still need another two or three days of rest before you are able to pedal home.”
“My papa will be worried.” The words feel so natural coming from my lips. Jacques really has become like a second father to me.
“We can get word to him.”
I consider her offer for a moment. Jacques won’t be the only person worried about my unexpected disappearance. But he has always known a day would come when I would either have to leave France or move to a different part of the country.
Johann will also wonder what happened to me. But it would be foolish and possibly dangerous for someone to get word to Jacques. If Johann and some of his comrades—or Müller—happen to be at the farmhouse, it could be deadly for the courier and Jacques if someone other than Jacques or Johann should read the message.
I shake my head. “It’s probably better if you don’t.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am.”
The baby kicks her legs in the air. Will Johann’s and my baby look like that sweet little angel?
Baby. I can’t imagine what Johann’s reaction will be if I tell him I’m pregnant with his child. It’s not as if either of us came to France expecting to become a parent. Not when we’re surrounded by nothing but oppression and death.
The baby rolls onto her stomach and puts her hand in her mouth.
“I’ll get you some soup,” Bridgette says, “and then you should get some more rest.” She scoops her daughter off the blanket and leaves me to sit with my thoughts.
For the first time since acknowledging I’m pregnant, I let myself consider what my baby’s and my future will be. Assuming we both survive this. I haven’t even told Johann I love him. How can I? We’re supposed to be enemies, not lovers.
I hate everything the Germans are doing and their disregard for life. But none of those things are Johann. He has proved that to me over and over and over again.
He’s fighting for Germany because he doesn’t believe he has a choice.
He’s fighting for Germany on the slim chance it will save his mother and sister.
He’s risking everything for them because he loves his family.
The baby…the baby is part of his family. Will his love for his family apply to his child?
Or perhaps it would be better I don’t tell him since it was never the SOE’s intent for me to stay with Jacques for the duration of the war. When I finally leave, what would that do to Johann? How would he cope, knowing I’ve taken his child away from him—and possibly into danger?
Perhaps…perhaps it would be better if Johann doesn’t know the truth.
For all of our sakes.
51
Jessica
August, Present Day
Maple Ridge
* * *
“Are you okay if I leave after the bouquet toss?” I ask Theresa as soon as I return to the tent. I’m tired and I just want to go home and check on Violet and Sophie.
And if I have a chance, I plan to read more of Iris’s journals. I want to escape reality for a while and find out how Angelique survived the war. Perhaps there will be something helpful in the entries when it comes to getting Violet and Sophie out of Oregon.
What I’m not planning to do is anything that involves thinking about what Katelyn told me a few minutes ago. About her. And Troy.
“That’s definitely okay,” Theresa says. “We’re ready to do the bouquet toss now.” She signals to the DJ.
