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She nods but doesn’t say anything. My chest tightens, but I breathe through it, careful to keep the emotion from my face.
I grab the bottle of body wash from the ledge, pour the spring-scented liquid into my palm, and rub it into a lather. Then I take my time gently washing her body.
“I can’t believe you lost a festival sponsor,” Jess says out of nowhere, her voice a dry whisper. “All because you shoved a man who’s been abusing his wife for years. Where’s the fairness in that?”
I don’t reply because I don’t have an answer. To any of it. But she’s right. The festival lost a sponsor because Bell Automotives respects family values, and Chief Wilson is the Antichrist of them. But there’s nothing I can do about that.
Not without putting Violet and Sophie in greater danger than they’re already in.
Jess pours the soap into her hands and follows my lead, slowly washing my body the way I’m washing hers. Our touches are intimate, intimate but not sexual.
They’re about removing all the unpleasant memories from the past few days.
About rebuilding what we have between us.
About sharing my soul with her.
54
Jessica
August, Present Day
Maple Ridge
* * *
I open Troy’s oven and check on the lasagna I made while he was at PT with Lucas, working on his shoulder.
“That smells incredible.” He slips his arms around my waist from behind.
I shut the oven door and swivel in his embrace. The bruising from yesterday’s beating is sore but not unbearable. I kiss him. Long and hard, to the point where I’m dizzy.
But it’s worth it.
And the love…the love Troy feels for me, the words he told me last night, is poured into the kiss. His love wraps me in a soft blanket, soothes my battered and bruised self-esteem. The self-esteem that’s only beginning to heal after all these years.
I couldn’t say the words back to him last night. And I’m still not ready to say them. The last time I said the words to another man, I ended up regretting it. I know…I know it won’t be the same with Troy, but the thought of saying the words makes my stomach hurt.
So I don’t. I just let myself get lost in the soul-quenching kiss.
“I definitely approve of the kiss.” A content smile curves on Troy’s lips, but it only lasts for a moment. “Can we talk now about you returning to therapy?”
“I can’t go back.” The words rush from me, defiance and panic branding each one.
Small divots form between his eyebrows, not deep enough to count as a full frown. “Yes, you can. You need to. I was at Theresa’s wedding, Jess. Remember?”
How can I forget? “It’s not that simple. I quit because I was scared I would accidentally tell Robyn about Violet and Sophie. I was afraid if I did that, it would screw things up for them and I would end up in prison. Again. It was a risk I couldn’t afford to take.”
“You can’t keep living like this, Jess. You deserve better.”
“I know. But Violet and Sophie deserve better too. And as long as Chief Wilson is pulling the strings, I can’t risk it. I can’t risk mentioning anything to Robyn that could cost Violet and Sophie their lives.” But not saying anything might also cost them their lives.
I can’t live with that either. I’m damned if I say anything and damned if I don’t.
“Once we’ve got Violet and Sophie out of their situation, will you restart therapy?” His tone isn’t asking a question. It’s a demand. Not in the way my late husband demanded I obeyed him. But it does warn me that Troy plans to get his way when it comes to therapy.
All because he doesn’t want me to end up like his best friend, Colton.
