AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He kisses me. In contrast to the earlier kisses, this kiss is gentle, full of love and contentment.
“I’m pregnant,” I whisper, the words slipping out so easily but surprising me all the same. “I’m pregnant with your baby.”
His eyes widen. There is no disgust or anger in them. Only surprise and wonder, joy and fear. The same emotions that battle inside me.
He moves down my body and plants a tender kiss on my stomach. “Bonjour, little one. I’m your papa, and I’m looking forward to meeting you.” He speaks in French, the warm melodic rhythm of his words wrapping me in love.
And for a several minutes, I ignore everything outside the windows and pretend our life is simple. Pretend we can be a family—husband and wife and child. Pretend we don’t fight on separate sides of the same war. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend.
Pretend everything is all right. And I love him. That’s all I want to do for the next few minutes.
Johann kisses my stomach once more, then removes his clothes and lies beside me. His arms embrace me, holding me to him. He kisses me, and his hand caresses the spot where our baby sleeps.
My hands trace the beautiful hard lines of his body. The hard lines that have helped Jacques around the vineyard whenever Johann has had a few moments of precious free time. “I want to make love to you,” I murmur against his lips.
“Your leg—”
“My leg will be fine. But I need this. I need you.”
He nods, a sweet, playful smile on his face. “Whatever the woman wants, she shall have.”
Our hands explore and memorise each other’s bodies as our tongues worship and dance. We take our time, desperate to prolong the moment between us.
Johann gathers me in his arms, and his calloused thumb draws small circles low on my belly. “You are really going to have my baby?” The wonder and joy in his whispered words have faded, replaced with a knot of other emotions beyond the initial happiness, as if the seriousness of the situation has finally sunk in.
“It’s true.” I release a long breath, my thoughts and questions and worries over the past few days colliding. I’ll only be able to hide my situation for so long, and then my baby will be viewed as the bastard child of a Nazi. I’ll be marked a collaborator—which might make my role with the local resistance circuit difficult. I will have lost their hard-earned trust, and if that is the case, I am cross with myself at what that could cost me and my work in the region.
“How do you feel about it?” The roughness of his voice wraps his vowels in worry and hope. A crossroad between what we want and reality. Between dreams of the future and the darkness of our here and now.
“How do I feel about having a piece of the man I love growing inside me? Or how do I feel about it happening when the world is at war, and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring?” I am not the first French woman to become pregnant by a German soldier—either because she was raped or because she willingly bedded a German for love or for some other reason. Although in my case, I am not French. Only my forged carte d’identité claims I am.
“Yes, the latter part does complicate things,” Johann says, his words ending on a sigh.
“I already love him or her very much. What about you? You haven’t had as long as I have to get used to the news. I’ve had a few days to think about it.”
Johann’s thumb strokes my cheek, and the knot of my emotions loosens slightly. “I’m happy. Worried. The same as any good father would feel upon learning the news from his wife. I want to marry you, Angelique, but our countries won’t let us. Not now. Not while the war is on. I know of another officer who has fallen in love with a French woman. He was told marriage is not possible.”
Even if Germany did permit him to marry a French woman, our marriage would not be legal. I am not Angelique D’Aboville. I cannot tell him that, though. And if London recalls me, there will be nothing I can do unless I choose to ignore their command. At some point, I will be leaving France. I will be returning to England and repairing my relationship with my sister. Could Johann ever come with me? Or has this war with Germany ended all hope of that?
“We’ll figure things out.” First, I need to ensure this world is a better place for our child.
Johann kisses my temple. “No matter what happens, I won’t lose you. My unit will be reassigned to another region soon, but I will find you and our baby once this war is over.”
I smile at him softly, keeping the fear from my face at what the rest of the war will bring. “I know.”
“How far along are you?” He rests his hand protectively on my belly.
“About three months. He or she is due late March or early April.”
“I should talk to your father. He has warmed to me a little, but I am not sure he will be too thrilled with this turn of events.”
I bite my lip, keeping the guilt off my face that Jacques isn’t my real father. I know my own father, if he were still alive, would be disappointed with me.
He wouldn’t be the only one. Most people who matter won’t be delighted at the news. What will Hazel think? When we were teenagers, we dreamt our future children would grow up together. But it’s possible she won’t want anything to do with me after I return to England—pregnant or not—because I haven’t spoken to her in over a year.
“You might want to hold off on that a little longer,” I tell Johann. “Give him some time to get used to us together first.” I need to inform Allaire of the situation before anyone else learns about it.
I’ll do that tomorrow.
