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“Yes,” he murmurs, not removing his gaze from mine. “I can do that.” He smiles, and it’s like we’re in another place, another time, thousands of colourful butterflies fluttering about. A place where only love and happiness are possible. A place where war is not welcome.
He pushes himself off the bed. “I should probably shut the door first. I don’t think your father wants to see me in your bed in the morning, holding you, like I plan to do when I wake up.”
My lips curve into a soft smile. “You might be right about that.”
He closes the door and unbuttons his trousers. I strip out of my nightgown.
Awkwardness wraps around me. I’ve only been naked in front of Charles. But I could die tomorrow or next week or next month, and how I feel right now will be irrelevant.
I shuck the awkwardness off like a winter coat on a hot day and watch as Johann removes his trousers and underwear.
I draw in a quick breath at the sight of him. Nothing about him reminds me of Charles. Whereas my ex-fiancé is lean and more on the lanky side, every part of Johann reveals his strength. Charles enjoys watching cricket. Johann’s body is that of an athlete. And he was blessed when it comes to the hard length between his legs.
He rejoins me on the bed. “You are sure you want to do this?”
“Yes. I’m sure.” I reach for his hand and pull him down next to me.
We start kissing again, taking our time. We have the whole night ahead of us.
Our hands explore, worship, take each other to the stars. We get a taste of what heaven is like, and I don’t ever want the moment to end.
Johann eventually slides inside me, and it’s nothing like I have ever felt before. His movements are slow, deliberate. As if he’s memorising every part of me, memorising every second we’re together.
Outside the window, the world is ugly, full of hatred and pain. Inside…inside the room, it’s beautiful. Like a garden after a storm, lush with colourful blooms that sparkle in the sun from the raindrops still clinging to the petals.
And when our bodies become one, the intensity exploding between us, we’re the rainbow in the sky.
The hope.
The future.
We lie in each other’s arms while we recover, neither of us saying anything. We just hold one another, keeping our fears at bay. Johann caresses my arm. I stroke his clean-shaven jaw with my thumb and revel in the beauty of this man, both inside and out.
A single thought blares in my head like an air-raid siren: What does it say about me when I’m falling in love with the enemy?
23
Jessica
July, Present Day
Maple Ridge
* * *
Butterscotch, Bailey, and I continue down the sidewalk of Troy’s street, my thoughts on the kiss Troy gave me before he left following the call from the search and rescue team.
The dull ache in my ribs reminds me they’re not fully healed. But I wouldn’t have changed this morning in bed with Troy for anything, healing ribs be damned. “I’m not going to be much use when it comes to throwing your balls,” I tell the dogs. “Butterscotch, your daddy was going to do that. But maybe I can bowl them instead?”
The grassy area of the park is busy with families getting ready for the Fourth of July celebrations. We continue to the off-leash section, and I unclip Bailey’s and Butterscotch’s leashes. Bailey doesn’t have on her Service Dog in Training vest. She gets to be a puppy for now.
I throw their balls underhand. The balls don’t go far, but the dogs don’t seem to care. They race after them and drop the balls by my feet for me to toss again and again and again.
“Okay, you two,” I say after we’ve been doing this for at least thirty minutes. “Time for us to go. I’m volunteering with Emily at the hayride this afternoon, and I still have to shower and get ready.”
We head back to Troy’s house, passing a family playing soccer on the grass. The mother and father are playing alongside their two young kids and cheering them on. The kids are giggling and chasing the ball. And for a beat, I allow myself to slip into my old childhood fantasy of being part of a loving family like this one. With Troy.
I quickly disregard the thought.
