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He shook his head and focused back on me. “Roxanne and Raeanne. They were twins. Identical twins. They were so closely matched in appearance that their parents couldn’t tell them apart unless they were in the same room.”
I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t even formulate a response. I felt numb and energized all at once. Everything felt off.
Conrad dropped his head into his hands, shoving his fingers through his hair before continuing, “One night, Rae and I were supposed to meet at a restaurant for dinner. She and I had been together a month or two at the time. We both had the next day off, and we planned to have dinner and then for her to go home with me afterward. A few months later, I realized that the person I met and spent the night with was Roxy.”
My eyes felt like they were on springs poised to pop at any second. “You slept with Mom when you were dating another woman who just happened to be Mom’s identical twin sister?” I asked my dad. I turned to my mom and said, “You have a sister? A twin sister?”
Mom just continued to stare out the window, her arms crossed. “Not now,” was all she said.
“Not fucking willingly,” Dad said.
My head ping-ponged between them. Jackson had been quiet since my parents entered the room but spoke up now.
“What the fuck do the two of you mean?” he growled at them.
I could almost feel the anger vibrating through him. My mom ignored him. She hadn’t changed her position or gaze, but shehad crossed her legs and swung one foot. The petulance coming from her was beyond ridiculous.
My dad looked at her and shook his head before replying, “Raeanne died, and I didn’t sleep with your mother willingly. I didn’t know it was her. I thought it was Rae.”
My mother stood up, screamed under her breath, and stomped out of the room. Tantrums in your forties? Who’d’a thunk it? Watching her stomp away, I realized a couple of things. My mother was a manipulative, conniving, spiteful bitch who acted like a child when she didn’t get her way. The last one I’d witnessed had been when I first signed with the label.
As a new artist, the record label had recommended a few people for my team. Now, that I thought about it, I wasn’t certain Michelle was one of them. I met with so many people trying to piece together a team of people. After a while, they started blending together.
I racked my brain, thinking back on that time. I remembered Roxy telling me she’d met someone who was interested in my career. Michelle—Nina—approached me. Not the other way around. Well, she approached Roxy, and Roxy recommended her.
The conversation pieced itself together in my head. My mom told me Michelle said hiring someone not recommended by the label would be the best move. That way, there wasn’t any conflict of interest. Roxy convinced me to sign the documents. Not once did I ever think Michelle was using me as a means to an end. There had been zero indication. She was friendly and encouraging.
I didn’t think my mother would do anything so manipulative or sinister, either, but now I could get the thought out of my head. My mother probably knew who Michelle was from the beginning.
“Dad? What happened?”
“Raeanne found out. Your mother told her, and Rae packed up her car and disappeared. I learned you were on the way a few weeks later, so I married Roxy. I wanted you to have a family and a real home. But I couldn’t put the shit your mother did behind me. I cared for your aunt. A lot. And your mother ruined that,” Conrad explained.
His pain and betrayal were emblazoned on his face for all to see.
“This is why she never wanted me to spend time with you. Why she discouraged any sort of relationship between us.”
“Yeah, Kit Kat. I think so.”
“Chief, what about Rae? What about Nina and Neil?” Jackson asked.
My dad sighed heavily. “I don’t know what happened to Rae. It wasn’t as easy back then to keep track of someone. I hired a PI because, at the time, I didn’t have the ability or resources to look for her myself. He never found anything.”
He looked away from Jackson and focused on me. “Katie, you’ve gotta believe me. I had no clue Rae was pregnant when she left. All I ever wanted was a family. I wanted to know you, Katie. To love and care for you and not from the other side of the country. Your mother was vindictive because I loved Rae and not her. Had I known I had two other children, I would have never left them to flounder.”
I wanted to believe him more than anything. He was my father, but he hadn’t fought for me. He’d seemed completely satisfied with what little time we had together. As I got older, he didn’t call me; I had to call him. If I forgot, he waited until I remembered. He said he didn’t want to bother me when I mentioned it.
I stared at him, but I wasn’t seeing him. I saw my childhood. I knew my history. It flew past my eyes like an old movie projector running too fast, flickering and bouncing before it straightened out, highlighting things I’d suppressed. Things about both my parents flashed in my mind as if they were on a billboard in Times Square—big, bright, flashing, obnoxious reminders of all their shortcomings and failings. They blinded me, shining spotlights on everything I’d made excuses for over the years.
I blinked, refocusing on Conrad. He looked expectantly at me. Hope shone like a beacon on his face, but I hardened my heart. I couldn’t put my parents first, not anymore. I’d put myself last all my life, looking out for them, appeasing them, considering them and their feelings before my own. I needed to focus on myself. I was done. It was not my place to make them happy, take care of them, or play mediator.
My mother, if my father could be believed, was a manipulative cunt who, for some unknown reason—probably jealousy—had sabotaged her sister’s relationship by sleeping with the man her sister loved. I’d always known she had to be the center of attention, but this was next realm shit.
My dad was a doormat. How he could be so assertive professionally and so unassertive personally baffled me. No matter. I had my own shit to deal with. I was putting myself and Jackson first, and these two, who called themselves my parents but rarely shouldered the role, would just have to wait until I wasready to deal with them. At this moment, though, I didn’t know when or if that would ever happen.
“You are my father, and I have loved you my whole life, but you abandoned me for the majority of it. For that, I will no longer excuse or forgive. Between you and Mom, you never once put me first. Mom took me from you when you divorced to punish you. You let her take me and settled for whatever time she allowed. Thinking back on my life, you quit even putting forth the effort to call me once I was old enough to make the effort. So…” I sighed, “while I love you, I cannot use what little energy and mental capacity I have to deal with either you or Mom.”
My dad stood, walked toward the bed, and leaned over me. Even though I knew I was safe, I whimpered at the sight and feel of a man hovering over me.
